Category: Best Use of my Time (Page 4 of 7)

Fighting Loneliness

September 10, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

The silence reverberating through the house overshadows the memories of my boisterous children and their friends.

The time and energy I once spent daily on my children has diminished, and I wonder what to do with myself.

My arms which were once full of babies, groceries, and laundry are emptier now.

These are the most common maladies among parents whose children have recently moved away from home. Is there a cure for this dreaded disease?

On some of my darker and more hormonal days, I would argue that no cure exists, but, as time goes on, I am learning some ways to cope with the loneliness. Here are some tips that have helped me go through the transition

Don’t isolate yourself! Make it a goal every day to text, call, or get together with someone, even if you are an introvert. You’ll find that many are as lonely as you are and would love to get together. Look for groups in your area of others in similar situations. I joined a group on Facebook of people from my town over 40, and they schedule multiple outings a month.
Explore a new skill or topic you’ve always wanted to learn but didn’t have the presence of mind to master when my son and daughter lived at home. I practice every day in hopes of finally becoming fluent in Spanish. This also widens the scope of friends I can have. I am also learning to crochet. I participated in my first community theater production when I was in my mid 40s.
Volunteer. Opportunities exist everywhere to give back to the community, so look for one (or more) that will be a great fit for you. On a weekly basis, I volunteer by visiting widows, running a mothering group, teaching preschoolers about the Bible, reading one-on-one with disadvantaged elementary school children, and working at the sign-in desk for the preschoolers and kindergartners at church. I receive far more hugs now from all these different people than I did when my kids were home.
Start a new exercise routine. You may meet new people, feel better, lose weight, and release endorphins all at the same time.
Press into God. I developed a deeper love for God and His Word once my children left home. I realized that God would never leave me, and He was never too busy for relationship. I could now enjoy uninterrupted time with Him.

What are some of your favorite tips for fighting loneliness?

Getting Unstuck

August 27, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My cat, Milo, often squeezes himself into strange places where he cannot easily escape. This picture shows one of his favorite attention-getting locations, behind my monitor on my desktop computer. He peeks out often, and I will occasionally see his orange paw extended toward me. Retreating from this strange position is more difficult than he thought.

I can relate to Milo’s problem. I often mentally get myself stuck. I allow circumstances, excuses, and fear to keep me in my precarious position, unable to move on. This is how I’ve felt about blogging lately. I can’t argue with the fact that my summer has been packed with my son’s wedding, a job change for my husband, working at two Vacation Bible Schools, a summer trip, dealing with my husband’s unexpected health issues and truck accident, regular scheduled activities, keeping up with the house, and family life, but I certainly had the time to write. I can’t let my fears of how others will perceive my words hold me back either, but that’s been the case these past couple of months.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been reading an excellent book aloud to my friends, Gail and Pat, when we get together each Monday to encourage one another. The book, Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable by Valorie Burton, has given us many tips to apply and many topics to discuss. Her 8 irrefutable rules of getting unstuck are: 1. You can’t move forward when you’re still looking backward, 2. Meditating on the obstacle only makes it bigger, 3. Emotions are teachers, 4. Inspiration won’t chase you down, 5. You can’t control which thoughts show up, but you can control which ones you entertain, 6. Your words are tools, 7. What is central to your life controls your life, and 8. To be unstoppable, you must master this moment.

Now is the time to put those rules into action and get back to blogging on a regular basis. I need to take the next step and get words typed out and published. I am committing now to publish at least 10 new blog posts in the next month, and I ask you to keep me accountable.

Where are you stuck in your life, and what are you going to do to get unstuck?

The Phone Call

June 4, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

We’ve all the had those moments when the phone rings with news that changes our world…

I had the house to myself and was relishing the quiet one Thursday evening when our home phone rang, jarring me from my peaceful reverie and sending my thoughts into instant high-gear. The home phone seldom rings in this cellular age, but when it does, it’s either a telemarketer or bad news from afar. My husband was assisting at the local community theater where he serves on the board, and I had recently talked to my daughter, who could practically taste her approaching Spring Break from her demanding teaching position. The wild card was my 25-year-old son, David. He was at a Spring Break conference with a group of close to 100 university students at Hume Lake Christian Camp and had been out of cell range since the previous Sunday. My heart pounded as I observed that the incoming phone call was from the camp’s main telephone number, the one used only for emergencies.

I braced myself as I answered, expecting to hear a somber voice informing me of a injury, but was surprised to hear David’s voice on the other end, and he sounded downright…giddy. He’d never sounded this excited on the phone before and I understood the reason as the words came spilling out, “Mom, this afternoon I asked Mariana to marry me, and she said, ‘Yes!’ Tears sprang to my eyes as we rejoiced together. It would be a short engagement, less than 4 months, so they could get married before another year of college ministry began, so we immediately started making plans.

As I hung up the phone, I reflected back to the day I first held him in my arms, so tiny and helpless. He’s grown up to be a strong and admirable man, and I can’t wait to watch as he becomes a wonderful husband to Mariana.

The Perfect Amount of Busyness

February 27, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

This week marks seven years since my firstborn left the nest. You would have thought that I’d have everything about the empty nest figured out by now, but I’m not even close. My main challenge is making my life as purposeful as possible now that the children are no longer underfoot without overstuffing my life with unnecessary activity or causing myself to be unavailable during the times when my family needs me.

Each day we are given a gift of 1,440 minutes to spend however we choose. Much of the time is spent on the “necessities” of sleeping, eating, and working, but we still have more time than we care to admit to use at our discretion. What determines which activities are worth our time and which are a waste of it?

If I want my contributions to society to outlive me, I can’t spend days on end watching Netflix on the couch, but I do think “decompression” time is an essential component to life. My husband comes home for lunch every day, so I try to work my schedule around that time so we can enjoy some time together when we’re not rushing out the door or weary from the effects of the entire day. I am strongest physically in the morning hours, so I give those hours to my busiest tasks, those ones that take me out of the home. In this season, my weekday mornings consist of the following: Mondays, I meet three moms for a brisk walk then do a Bible Study with a widow in our church; Tuesdays are Bible Study Fellowship leaders meeting and a couple of errands, Wednesday are teaching up to 13 preschoolers at Bible Study Fellowship, Thursdays are meeting 10 friends at a coffee shop to discuss and point one another to Jesus then visiting a friend’s widowed mother, and Fridays are either leading a meeting for moms or attending a planning session for these meetings. My afternoons are used more for relationships, preparations for my morning pursuits, organization, appointments, or doing activities that cannot be completed in the morning. Evenings are reserved for family.

Tomorrow is not assured so I want to fall asleep each night comfortable in the fact that I invested my time wisely.

What do you think are the best uses of time?

A Retreat for One

January 29, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

It’s hard to believe that we’ve already reached the final days of January. One month ago today, I left home for hours to go on my 2nd annual one-woman, one-afternoon retreat. I do it on the last Friday afternoon of the year, but you can anytime you have at least three hours in a row and enough energy to do some deep thinking.

In the past, when I thought of retreats, I imagined driving with a van full of ladies to a rustic setting in the mountains for a weekend of fun, worship, and teaching. I have been to many retreats like this, and they required preregistration, paying around $100, packing, picking just the right time to ask my husband if he could watch the kids, and gearing up my introverted self for a lot of “together” time. Don’t get me wrong; I have enjoyed, learned from, made great memories, and even taught at some of these experiences, but I was looking for something different.

In December of 2016, I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite nonfiction authors, Sally Clarkson. She explained the benefits of getting away alone for a yearly reflection. She also referred to materials from an author whose name I had never heard before, Lara Casey. I went to both Sally and Lara’s websites and read all they had to say about this event, put their suggestions into two Microsoft Word documents, and made plans to take my retreat at ….. Starbucks. Much less money and planning!

I took the following things with me:

My Bible
A ton of notebook paper in a folder
An assortment of brightly colored pens
Inspirational stickers
Highlighters
Posterboard
A Sharpie
Kleenex

I found myself experiencing the entire spectrum of emotions as I sat nestled in a booth sipping on my mocha, thinking about all the wonderful events of the past year and setting goals for the following one. Because I was alone, I could think objectively about my marriage, my children, and my own life, evaluating the good, the bad, and the ugly, and praying how to work on the difficulties. I came home refreshed and ready to implement my plans.

Do I achieve every goal I set? Definitely not, but I like having a direction I am choosing to travel in my life and page after page written in my own handwriting. I would highly recommend this activity to you and can’t wait to see what God shows you about your life!

What in the World is a Vision Board?

January 12, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I resisted creating a vision board for many years, giving random excuses like, “I’m not artistic,” “That’s too trendy for me,” and “I have no idea how to start!” An email at the end of 2016 changed my perspective and gave me the initiative I needed, and now I wish I would have started doing this exercise years earlier than I did.

For the past two years, I have participated in fitness challenges at https://www.jennyhadfield.com/. It provided me with motivation, camaraderie, and expert advice for very little money, and I highly recommend it. In the particularly dangerous weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I would receive email with weekly challenges, and the last one in December contained these words. “Visualization is one of the most powerful exercises you can do for your mind. Professional athletes use visualization to perform at their peak, and when they do, research shows that the their brain activates in a very similar fashion, just like when they train or race.

According to peak performance expert, Jack Canfield, “your brain will work tirelessly to achieve the statements you give your subconscious mind. And when those statements are the affirmations and images of your goals, you are destined to achieve them! Because your mind responds strongly to visual stimulation-by representing your goals with pictures and images – you will actually strengthen and stimulate your emotions…and your emotions are the vibrational energy that activates the Law of Attraction. The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” certainly holds true here.

Creating a vision board is one of the most valuable visualization tools available to you. This powerful tool serves as your image of the future – a tangible representation of where you are going. It represents your dreams, your goals, and your ideal life.”

How to Create your 2017 Vision Board

Keep it simple and include things you want to achieve, as well as how you want to feel. You can start very simply by writing down words on a blank piece of paper or on your phone.
When inspiration strikes, create your board with your words, notes, and things you want to happen in 2017.
It doesn’t have to be fancy. You can cut pictures from a magazine, color, use photos, stickers, or images off the web – or simply make it a word-based vision board.

Your board doesn’t need to be constructed this week. Start the process by writing down how you want to feel (calm, present, successful, fit, healthy) and include your goals, and let your visions come to you. Then look for images and ways to express these visually. For years my vision board was just words or numbers on a gigantic white board in my office. It can be as simple or as fancy as it makes sense for you.”

These instructions gave me the direction and confidence to undertake the task. While I was on my one-woman, one-afternoon retreat at the end of 2016, I used stickers, markers, and pictures to make the following board:

by h

Just before I went on my one-woman, one-afternoon retreat a couple of weeks ago, I looked over 2017’s vision board and cheered as I realized that I had accomplished each goal I had written on the board. This fact motivated me to create one for this year. This is what I came up with:

I have heard that if you fail to plan, then you plan to fail. Planning to make a vision board can make 2018 so much more productive! It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t have to follow a particular format. Please comment if you have any questions or if you would like to share a picture of your vision board.

New Year, New Word

January 8, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

The new year always brings a flurry of thoughts about how this year will be different from all the ones in the past. It causes us to analyze how we can be more effective and make resolutions to change habits as a result. I struggled to harness these strong feelings of resolve and to fine tune them, and I have found success in doing this for the past five years.

My secret? Choose a word! Just one word. A word that you want to aspire to learn more about and one that you will come to resemble more and more as the year goes by.

I read a great book on the topic, One Perfect Word, by Debbie Macomber, at the end of 2013, and I was inspired. On January 1, 2014, I dared to write down my word for the year and pray it each day for myself. The word terrified me; my word for the year 2014 was Surrender. I wanted to surrender my plans, hopes, dreams, and agenda to God, who had an even better plan for my life. I had no idea how strongly this word would play out until I found myself in ICU not able to breathe on my own in June of that year.

By the end of 2014, I had not only gained my strength back but had also learned far more about surrender than I ever imagined possible. I was hooked on choosing a word, now not only for myself but for each member of my immediate family. My word for the year 2015 was Rejoicing. I wanted to learn to rejoice not only when circumstances were going my way but also in the deepest disappointments. It was a worthwhile journey. The words I chose for my family were endurance, maturity, and trust.

When 2016 rolled around, I couldn’t wait to do this exercise again. My word for the year 2016 was Renewal, as I looked at my new life with children moving away and going on the international mission field. My words for my husband and children were balance, faith, and courage, as they all were learning huge lessons of their own.

By December of 2016, I even took myself on a one-woman, one-afternoon retreat to evaluate my life, set priorities, and, most importantly, determine my word. My word for the year 2017 was Freedom as I sought to be released my own self-doubt, others’ expectations and opinions of me, and the limits I had placed on myself due to fear. I experienced my best year yet, achieving more than ever and daring to do activities I never expected that I would. My words for my family were fortitude, security, and maturity.

This year is no different. I have chosen my word. It’s another scary one because I know that there are many lessons I need to learn about this subject. My word for this year is Humility. True freedom only comes when I choose to humble myself before God and trust Him completely for my future. The words I have selected for those closest to me are direction, leadership, and abiding.

I have found a great website that has also helped me in this journey: www.oneword365.com. It’s a wonderful community of people who have also chosen one word for the year so we can support one another as we live out our word for the year.

What will be your word for the year?

Stay tuned to my blog for posts about one-woman retreats and vision boards!

Growing in Gratefulness

November 3, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

On days like today, when life does not particularly go my way, it is harder to show gratitude. I tend to focus my attention on what is going wrong instead of being thankful for what is going right, yet when I resolve to look for blessings and show appreciation for them, I find my attitude making a change for the better, a smile spreading across my face, and my mind fixed on the Giver of All Good Gifts. I even find myself thankful for the challenges and obstacles in my life because they cause me to grow in patience, learn humility, and rely on God more than ever!

My Five Project Gratitude Thankful Things for Today

The Soft Fur on my Cats
Stimulating Conversation with a Table Full of Women who Point me to Jesus
Beautiful Rays of Sun Poking Through the Clouds. (I pulled over to the side of the road and snapped the above picture while driving through town today.)
The Refreshment of Ice Water After a Workout
A Phone Call from my Married Daughter Just to Chat.

What are you thankful for today?

Project Gratitude

November 2, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

It is easy to get so distracted by the hurried pace of this world and everything that is going wrong in our lives that we take our eyes and hearts off the One who has richly blessed us. When we focus on all the blessings we experience in this life, our hearts fill with gratitude toward God and we feel stronger to face the obstacles and complexity of this life. November, the month of Thanksgiving, is a perfect month to express thankfulness and gratitude for all we have. I am challenging myself to find five things to thank God for each day during this month. Who else would like to join me?

My 5 Project Gratitude Thankful Things for Today

The Smell of Coffee Brewing
A Warm Shower
The Privilege of Teaching Children the Promises of God
Autumn Walks and Talks with Friends
Guacamole

What are you thankful for today?

New Month, New Outlook

November 1, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I’ve always loved the first day of a new month. It’s a day for changing calendars, for looking ahead to all the fun that the month promises, for receiving special “first of the month” coupons and emails, and for wiping the slate clean from last month. I especially love November because I can say, “Thanksgiving is coming later this month,” and “Next month is my birthday and Christmas.” When I encounter a flawless, new month, I am empowered to forge ahead instead of paralyzed with embarrassment over the mistakes I’ve made or overwhelmed with too much to do.

May we all greet November with a spirit of adventure and gratitude!