Nag Less, Pray More

Category: Bucket List

Relationships and Experiences are Worth Far More than Any Material Possession

Dear Younger Self,

How will you choose to invest your life?  In modern America, the word investment is closely associated with the accumulation of more money and more stuff.   Material possessions will bring fleeting happiness, but not lasting joy.   The more stuff you get, the more stuff you have to maintain, keep track of, and clean.

Instead, I would recommend that you spend your money on memorable experiences and meaningful relationships.   Don’t wait to do the things you’ve always wanted to do.  You never know when you will get the chance to do them again.  The time and energy you spend on others will continue to bless people for generations, long after anything you owned even exists.

So, savor each day, take the time to develop friendships, teach those younger than you what you know, and give a smile to someone who needs it.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Travel as often as you can

 

Dear Younger Self,

You’ve been comfortable on an airplane since you were a toddler and have always viewed travel as a great adventure.  Even when your parents divorced and lived 3,000 miles away from each other, flying alone as a preteen was no big deal.  You love to plan and anticipate trips and can hardly sleep the night before your departure because you are “trip happy.”

Don’t ever lose that zest for experiencing new places and cultures.  Seize any opportunity you get to travel.  You’ll learn even more by traveling abroad.  Don’t just be a tourist.  Get to know the locals and immerse yourself in the culture and language if possible.  Learn to appreciate the differences between other’s lifestyles and your own.  Assimilate the positive characteristics into your own life when you return home.

While on a trip and exploring Bainbridge Island alone when you were in your 40’s, you found the wall hanging pictured above in a charming book shop on a rainy day and were immediately struck by its wise words.  Your purchased it and hung it in your dining room when you arrived home.  Those words are just as wise today…so go, visit, learn, enjoy, wander, and grow so you will be a better person when you come back home.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Keep the faith, even when you can’t see what’s around the corner

Photo courtesy of Heidi Louber from one of her incredible long-distance hikes!

Dear Younger Self,

Sometimes it’s hard to keep going when you have no idea what’s coming up next.  You tend to imagine the worst case scenario and let the doom and gloom hold you back from taking the next step.  This is where faith comes into play.  You need to rely on your mighty God who will never leave you or forsake you for every move you make, especially the difficult and new ones.

I love the Martin Luther King Jr. quote, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”  If you stay at the bottom, just staring up at the top, without taking action, you will never get where you are going.

Another friend you haven’t met yet, Carol, has a daughter who has hiked some of the toughest trails in the world and took the attached the following quote to the above picture from one of her hikes,  “Keep the faith, even when you can’t see what’s around the corner.”

If you turn back in hesitation, you’ll miss the amazing view and adventure awaiting you.   You’ll never regret moving forth in faith!

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back

Dear Younger Self,

You already know what a stronghold fear has in your life.  You’ve lost count of how many opportunities you’ve missed because you were too scared to try something new.   Your life will be so much richer and better if you summon up the courage to venture into the unknown.  Push past the fear and take risks.

Fear is a process of the thoughts you create.  Most fear is completely irrational, based on what could happen but never will.    I’ve now seen fear defined this way:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

With each new experience you successfully endeavor, you will gain courage.  You will become a more interesting person.  You will go further than you ever thought possible.

So, when you are presented with adventure to attempt, don’t immediately talk yourself out of it, giving yourself reasons why it’s too risky or not a good idea.  I’m not saying to throw all wisdom out the door, but I am telling you that facing your fears will cause you to grow so much more as a person.  Listen to that new Nike catchphrase that just came out and “Just do it!”

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Putting Myself in Jeopardy

You can call me old and nerdy because of what I’m about to reveal.  Every weekday evening, my husband and I gather in the living room to hear Johnny Olson’s booming voice announce, “This is Jeopardy!” and the familiar accompanying tune.  We enjoy shouting out the answers that we know and finding out about the quirky contestants.  It’s a quick and fun way to unwind after a busy day.

I am a big trivia fan ever since I can remember.  What other five-year-old would only name her goldfish after assassinated presidents?   I was even on my high school’s “In the Know” quiz bowl team in 1985.   I have enjoyed participating in trivia contests in venues anywhere from cruise ships to church.

I had always wondered what it would be like to try out for Jeopardy.  Seven months ago, while watching Jeopardy, Alex Trebek revealed that the twice-a-year online test would happen in a few short weeks.  I registered on the site and planned to take the test on the final of three nights it was given.  When it came time to log in for the test, the website wouldn’t recognize my password and prevented me from taking the test.  Part of me was disappointed, and part of me was relieved.

Last month,  Alex gave the new test dates, which were March 6, 7, and 8.   I battled within myself, wondering if I should try again.   I practiced logging in then registered for the upcoming test, electing this time to complete the test  on the first day instead of the last day.

Today was the day.

I logged in with plenty of time and, even though my heartbeat increased as I heard the theme music, I stayed focused on answering the questions instead of second guessing myself.  I completed the first two steps of the process by registering and taking the test.  Now it is up to Jeopardy to contact me if they choose me to audition.  I don’t know I will ever hear from them, but I pushed past my fear and put myself in jeopardy.  At this point in my life, I want to live it to the fullest.

Introduction to Embracing Fifty

In two months and seven days, I will celebrate my 50th birthday.  I’m shocked that it is coming so soon.  I remember when the age of 23 seemed ancient, and now I’ve more than doubled that.  As milestone birthdays approach, I reflect back on all that has happened in my life and look forward to the years to come.  More than ever before, I want to use my life strategically to love all I can, influence all I can, and leave a legacy that will outlast my lifetime.   I can’t wait to ponder and share my heart about the aspects that are nearest and dearest to me.   Come visit me for the next 30 days, and together we’ll explore how to live a life that counts!


This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Pushing Past My Fears

I think I was born scared.  My parents told me stories of my terror at my first Independence Day fireworks when I was less than 7 months old.  I remember hiding under a blanket when the theme song to “I Dream of Jeannie” blared through the television, dreading the moment that the animated genie was sucked into the bottle.  I was hesitant to ride a bike, jump in a pool, or call anyone on the phone.  As I entered adolescence, I became preoccupied with my fear of other people’s opinions of me.

I let each fear and concern hold me back from taking risks or enjoying new activities.   Then I became a mom.  I delighted in my children’s new experiences and marveled at their bravery as they stepped into the unknown with more faith than fear.

As my children left the nest, I made the choice to push past fears.  Instead of worrying what others thought or the worst case scenario, I would let my yes supersede my no.  I had to remind myself that the chances of a mishap were small and that mishaps occurred even in everyday life.  Sometimes I’d tremble and be close to tears but I’ve now driven an ATV, gone on a Segway tour, participated in 4 half marathons, rappelled into an underground cave, and zip lined.   I have no idea what God has in store, but I plan to follow him boldly!

 

She’s Married!

Abigail and Joseph, picture by Katelyn Owens photography

I awoke on July 8 with the weight of the world on my shoulders yet great anticipation.  Today would be one of the biggest day of our lives as we celebrated our daughter entering into married life.   My daughter told me that all she asked is that I would not be sick or stressed on this momentous day.   I took comfort in my usual morning routines of a quiet time with Jesus, some brain games, and a quick breakfast with my vitamins before preparing myself to go to the church.   I loaded up the car with last minute supplies and prayed with my husband before I headed over to the venue across town.

Abbie had a detailed schedule of the day for all of the people involved in the wedding, and the schedule told me to arrive at 10:30am for hair and makeup.  I am not a girly-girl by any stretch of the imagination but had researched hairstyles that complement my hair length and color.  Lexie, our amazing hair stylist and one of Abbie’s childhood friends, worked wonders on my hair.   Likewise, another one of Abbie’s childhood friends, Emily, brought out features in my face that I didn’t even know existed.   We had many hours of preparation and relaxation before the ceremony.

 

      

The entire day passed by in a joyful blur of love, music, smiles, laughter, pride, tears, activity, embraces, pictures, fun, reunions, dancing, waiting, celebrating, and waving goodbye.  I had asked my friends to pray that the triple digit temperatures would miraculously decrease, thinking that would ensure the day’s “success.”  God taught me a valuable lesson by not lowering the temperatures but lowering all stress and tension instead.

 

For any mothers anticipating their daughter’s weddings, I have some tips of what worked well for us.

  1. If financially possible, get a hotel room for the bride and her closest bridesmaids the night or two before the wedding.  This gives them independence and a last chance for bonding and gives you much needed peace and rest.
  2. Bring a wireless speaker to the room where the bride is getting ready and play her favorite Pandora station.  Music can soothe nerves and promote joy.  My daughter’s request was the John Mayer station.
  3. Order deli trays from the local supermarket to have in the bride’s and groom’s dressing rooms around lunchtime if the ceremony isn’t until mid to late afternoon.   If a friend offers to help, have them pick up the deli trays and even split them between the bride’s and groom’s rooms.
  4. Bring a small assortment of childhood toys to the dressing room if there are children in the ceremony.  We had Legos and Fisher Price toys, and they were not only beneficial to the flower girl and ring bearer but also to the children of the pastor and worship leaders, not to mention some of the adults with a childlike heart.   My husband and I had so much fun playing with 3 delightful little girls during the sound check, and we found that it relaxed us and reminded us of precious time spent playing with our daughter.     
  5. Take fun and candid pictures during the day, but don’t get in the way of the official photographer.
  6.  Don’t insist on your own way.  This is your daughter’s wedding.   Being right isn’t worth more than your relationship with your daughter.
  7. Enjoy yourself!  This is a great day where you get to see many people you love.  Let them know what they mean to you and how honored you are that they are in attendance.
  8. Stand back and observe the precious moments of the day, and tuck those memories into your heart for days when you are missing your little girl.

    With much love from the father and mother of the bride!

 

 

What Next?

thinking women with question mark on white background

I have talked to hundreds of other women in my position, devoted stay-at-home mothers whose children are now confidently walking in adulthood.  No matter the circumstances, every woman first question and concern is, “What Next?”  Now that our time, energy, thoughts, and arms are much emptier than they once were, what should replace the gaping hole that exists where our children once occupied.

The answer to “What Next?” varies widely among women.  Some begin a new career.  Some travel. Some go back to school.  Some focus on neglected marriages.  Some volunteer.  Some focus on long-lost hobbies and creative pursuits.  Some become caretakers of their elderly parents or their young grandchildren. Some grow in their faith.  Some get involved in addictive or destructive behavior.  Some get in better physical shape than ever before.  Some go to therapy to deal with unearthed pain from their past.  Some sleep.  Some spend extra time with friends.   Some continue attempting to control their children with guilt and manipulation.  Some try new activities to satisfy their bucket list.  Some organize their homes.  Some even downsize and move now that the home has less occupants.  Some mourn.  Some rejoice.

I have found that my new “empty nest, abundant life” consists of a unique combination of many of these activities.   It has slowly changed over the past six years since my firstborn left the nest.  I have pursued some paths with great success and some with dismal failure.  I’m learning what works for me and my family and what doesn’t.   I’m learning what drives me and what dries me up inside.

Once most of us reach the empty nest stage, we have lived more years on this earth than we have remaining.  This gives me such a sense of urgency and purpose.  How will I leave a mark on this world that remains long after I have departed from it?

What is next for you?