I was supposed to be eating seafood on the beach in Santa Cruz tonight, having just arrived on a five-day getaway with my husband. Instead, I sit home in the dark, listening to the rhythmic snores of my husband on the couch near me, observing him for signs of distress. This is not how I planned to spend the end of 2018.
Real life began its deviation from my idealistic plan six days ago. My husband and I were at church, enjoying the Christmas service on the evening of December 22. As I leaned against my husband, my stomach tossed angrily and I realized my fatigue was worse than the typical “three-days-before-Christmas-tired.” At the end of service, as I began to do my weekly job of supervising sign outs for the children, I pulled the trash can toward me just in time to catch the contents of my heaving stomach. The thermometer confirmed that I had caught a virus. I continued vomiting for the next 24 hours, despite the fact that I had a full to-do list. Our two children and their new spouses were coming over on December 24 for what I had planned to be a picture-perfect Christmas.
Instead, I sat in the opposite corner from the rest of the family to avoid infecting them, getting up often to run to the bathroom. I didn’t get to participate in the board games or chow down on the yummy brunch but merely nibbled at my food and laid down on the couch. It wasn’t what I had pictured, but I consoled myself with the thought that surely this illness would pass before our trip to Santa Cruz…
I did manage to recover enough to go to celebrations at my husband’s brother’s home and my daughter’s in-laws’ home and had an enjoyable yet sedate time. A few hours after arriving home from Christmas dinner, I awoke to the sound of my husband retching. He had caught the virus. I maintained hope that he could recover in time for the trip. I even bought my little shampoo and conditioner bottles in my post-Christmas shopping and mentally began a packing list. I fell asleep that night thinking, “Only two more sleeps until vacation time.”
Just two hours later, I heard heavy breathing coming from the front part of the house. I stumbled down the hallway toward the sound and turned on the kitchen light to find my husband sprawled on the kitchen floor with a puddle of blood forming next to his head. He mumbled, “Dizzy,” and I knew we had to get to the ER. We arrived shortly after 1am and stayed until 4:30. They cleaned his wound, performed a CT scan, and administered IV fluids. They released him to my care and told him to rest and keep hydrated. We drove home and feel into bed, exhausted.
At 7am, he still struggled to maintain his balance, falling twice more, and he began experiencing double vision. Upon the advice of my nurse friend, we returned to the ER. Five hours and another CT scan later, we returned home with no more answers than the first time we went. I did have strict orders to keep him away from screens and supervise him closely, as he had a concussion. We called and cancelled the hotel reservation and were relieved to get a full refund, but my heart was sad.
This morning, instead of packing the car for our beach trip, we drove to the ophthalmologist’s office for an early appointment. I filled out the paperwork while my hubby held his head in his hands. The doctor seemed hopeful that the double vision will resolve with complete rest for days on end. Optimal recovery includes keeping the rooms dark, spending very little time looking at an electronic screen, and sleeping most of the time. I don’t feel comfortable leaving him alone, because I know how hard it is for him to stick to these guidelines.
Life rarely goes like we think it will, and yet we’re always surprised when it doesn’t. I caught myself going down the terrible road of self-pity and am mustering all my willpower to depend on God and look for the lessons and the blessings, and I am finding many. Here are just some of the ones that God has revealed to me.
- Pinning your hopes on an upcoming event often sets you up for disappointment
- It will be great to start the new year with getting so much rest in the final days of this year.
- My children have grown up to be really supportive and loving adults, and I have very kind friends. My son and his wife came over yesterday and cleaned and took down all the Christmas decorations for us. My daughter and many others have been constantly checking on us.
- Drawing near to God is the best thing I can be doing right now. He is always dependable, and I can’t say that about anything else!There’s no place like home.
I think our family will always remember the last days of 2018 as the days that God had different plans.
Happy New Year!
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