Empty Nest, Abundant Life

Nag Less, Pray More

Category: Marriage (Page 2 of 4)

Talk less, listen more!

October 12, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You learned to talk late and have been making up for it ever since then.  God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.  He wants you to be a great listener.

Remember how frustrated you used to get when you were talking to your dad and could tell that instead of paying attention to what you were saying, he was already busy formulating what would come out of his mouth next?  You are just as guilty of this as he was.   Don’t be so preoccupied with a response that you fail to hear the words that another person is expressing.

This can apply to any relationship at any time, from a quick chat with the grocery store checker to a heartfelt conversation with your husband.   When others see that you are not listening to their words, they will be less likely to confide in you or accept your words.  An unwillingness to actively listen keeps a relationship from growing.

Holding your tongue involves discipline and self-control, but it is so worth it in the end.

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Gratitude can help you get through anything

October 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

The temptation is so strong to focus on what is lacking in our lives instead of what is abundant in our lives.  It’s so easy to think about what we want to acquire, achieve, or change instead of express thankfulness for each blessing in our life.

Make it a game to see how many things you can express gratitude for each day.  From the first smell of coffee in the morning to your comfortable pillow at night, you can find objects, situations, feelings, relationships, and experiences that cause you to express gratefulness.  The more you notice and thank God for all you have, the stronger your “gratitude muscle” will become.

Your “gratitude muscle” will be especially needed on dark days, when finding things to be grateful for will take more effort and creativity.  When you choose to focus on all the gratitude-worthy parts of your life, your mood lightens and you realize just how blessed you really are!

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

 

Introduction to 29 Pieces of Advice to my Younger Self

October 1, 2018 / / 0 Comments

22-year-old me on my wedding day in 1990

50-year-old me on my son’s wedding day in 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought I knew it all as a young adult, but I had so much to learn that could only be taught through personal experience.   As I gaze at the the first photo of myself as a naive, idealistic girl barely out of her teens, I want to warn her, encourage her, cheer for her, shed tears for her, and laugh with her because I know all the joys and trials she will be facing in the years to come.  I also know that I still need to remind myself of what’s important to me and follow my own advice.  This is the final official Write 31 Days challenge, so even though life is extra-full right now, I couldn’t resist participating.   Laugh, cry, and explore with me for the next thirty posts as I ponder the essential elements of Advice to my Younger Self.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

The Phone Call

June 4, 2018 / / 0 Comments

We’ve all the had those moments when the phone rings with news that changes our world…

I had the house to myself and was relishing the quiet one Thursday evening when our home phone rang,  jarring me from my peaceful reverie and sending my thoughts into instant high-gear.  The home phone seldom rings in this cellular age, but when it does, it’s either a telemarketer or bad news from afar.  My husband was assisting at the local community theater where he serves on the board, and I had recently talked to my daughter, who could practically taste her approaching Spring Break from her demanding teaching position.  The wild card was my 25-year-old son, David.  He was at a Spring Break conference with  a group of close to 100 university students at Hume Lake Christian Camp and had been out of cell range since the previous Sunday.   My heart pounded as I observed that the incoming phone call was from the camp’s main telephone number, the one used only for emergencies.

I braced myself as I answered, expecting to hear a somber voice informing me of a injury, but was surprised to hear David’s voice on the other end, and he sounded downright…giddy.  He’d never sounded this excited on the phone before and I understood the reason as the words came spilling out, “Mom, this afternoon I asked Mariana to marry me, and she said, ‘Yes!’  Tears sprang to my eyes as we rejoiced together.  It would be a short engagement, less than 4 months, so they could get married before another year of college ministry began, so we immediately started making plans.

As I hung up the phone, I reflected back to the day I first held him in my arms, so tiny and helpless.   He’s grown up to be a strong and admirable man, and I can’t wait to watch as he becomes a wonderful husband to Mariana.

 

Putting Myself in Jeopardy

March 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments

You can call me old and nerdy because of what I’m about to reveal.  Every weekday evening, my husband and I gather in the living room to hear Johnny Olson’s booming voice announce, “This is Jeopardy!” and the familiar accompanying tune.  We enjoy shouting out the answers that we know and finding out about the quirky contestants.  It’s a quick and fun way to unwind after a busy day.

I am a big trivia fan ever since I can remember.  What other five-year-old would only name her goldfish after assassinated presidents?   I was even on my high school’s “In the Know” quiz bowl team in 1985.   I have enjoyed participating in trivia contests in venues anywhere from cruise ships to church.

I had always wondered what it would be like to try out for Jeopardy.  Seven months ago, while watching Jeopardy, Alex Trebek revealed that the twice-a-year online test would happen in a few short weeks.  I registered on the site and planned to take the test on the final of three nights it was given.  When it came time to log in for the test, the website wouldn’t recognize my password and prevented me from taking the test.  Part of me was disappointed, and part of me was relieved.

Last month,  Alex gave the new test dates, which were March 6, 7, and 8.   I battled within myself, wondering if I should try again.   I practiced logging in then registered for the upcoming test, electing this time to complete the test  on the first day instead of the last day.

Today was the day.

I logged in with plenty of time and, even though my heartbeat increased as I heard the theme music, I stayed focused on answering the questions instead of second guessing myself.  I completed the first two steps of the process by registering and taking the test.  Now it is up to Jeopardy to contact me if they choose me to audition.  I don’t know I will ever hear from them, but I pushed past my fear and put myself in jeopardy.  At this point in my life, I want to live it to the fullest.

The Perfect Amount of Busyness

February 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

This week marks seven years since my firstborn left the nest.  You would have thought that I’d have everything about the empty nest figured out by now, but I’m not even close.  My main challenge is making my life as purposeful as possible now that the children are no longer underfoot without overstuffing my life with unnecessary activity or causing myself to be unavailable during the times when my family needs me.

Each day we are given a gift of 1,440 minutes to spend however we choose.  Much of the time is spent on the “necessities” of sleeping, eating, and working, but we still have more time than we care to admit to use at our discretion.  What determines which activities are worth our time and which are a waste of it?

If I want my contributions to society to outlive me, I can’t spend days on end watching Netflix on the couch, but I do think “decompression” time is an essential component to life.  My husband comes home for lunch every day, so I try to work my schedule around that time so we can enjoy some time together when we’re not rushing out the door or weary from the effects of the entire day.  I am strongest physically in the morning hours, so I give those hours to my busiest tasks, those ones that take me out of the home.   In this season, my weekday mornings consist of the following: Mondays, I meet three moms for a brisk walk then do a Bible Study with a widow in our church; Tuesdays are Bible Study Fellowship leaders meeting and a couple of errands, Wednesday are teaching up to 13 preschoolers at Bible Study Fellowship, Thursdays are meeting 10 friends at a coffee shop to discuss and point one another to Jesus then visiting a friend’s widowed mother, and Fridays are either leading a meeting for moms or attending a planning session for these meetings.  My afternoons are used more for relationships, preparations for my morning pursuits, organization, appointments, or doing activities that cannot be completed in the morning.  Evenings are reserved for family.

Tomorrow is not assured so I want to fall asleep each night comfortable in the fact that I invested my time wisely.

What do you think are the best uses of time?

 

 

 

A Retreat for One

January 29, 2018 / / 0 Comments

It’s hard to believe that we’ve already reached the final days of January.   One month ago today, I left home for hours to go on my 2nd annual one-woman, one-afternoon retreat.   I do it on the last Friday afternoon of the year, but you can anytime you have at least three hours in a row and enough energy to do some deep thinking.

In the past, when I thought of retreats, I imagined driving with a van full of ladies to a rustic setting in the mountains for a weekend of fun, worship, and teaching.   I have been to many retreats like this, and they required preregistration, paying around $100, packing, picking just the right time to ask my husband if he could watch the kids, and gearing up my introverted self for a lot of “together” time.   Don’t get me wrong;  I have enjoyed, learned from, made great memories, and even taught at some of these experiences, but I was looking for something different.

In December of 2016, I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite nonfiction authors, Sally Clarkson.  She explained the benefits of getting away alone for a yearly reflection.  She also referred to materials from an author whose name I had never heard before, Lara Casey.  I went to both Sally and Lara’s websites and read all they had to say about this event,  put their suggestions into two Microsoft Word documents, and made plans to take my retreat at ….. Starbucks.   Much less money and planning!

I took the following things with me:

  1. My Bible
  2. A ton of notebook paper in a folder
  3. An assortment of brightly colored pens
  4. Inspirational stickers
  5. Highlighters
  6. Posterboard
  7. A Sharpie
  8. Kleenex

I found myself experiencing the entire spectrum of emotions as I sat nestled in a booth sipping on my mocha, thinking about all the wonderful events of the past year and setting goals for the following one.  Because I was alone, I could think objectively about my marriage, my children, and my own life, evaluating the good, the bad, and the ugly, and praying how to work on the difficulties.  I came home refreshed and ready to implement my plans.

Do I achieve every goal I set?  Definitely not, but I like having a direction I am choosing to travel in my life and page after page written in my own handwriting.  I would highly recommend this activity to you and can’t wait to see what God shows you about your life!

New Year, New Word

January 8, 2018 / / 0 Comments

The new year always brings a flurry of thoughts about how this year will be different from all the ones in the past.    It causes us to analyze how we can be more effective and make resolutions to change habits as a result.    I struggled to harness these strong feelings of resolve and to fine tune them, and I have found success in doing this for the past five years.

My secret?  Choose a word!  Just one word.   A word that you want to aspire to learn more about and one that you will come to resemble more and more as the year goes by.

I read a great book on the topic, One Perfect Word, by Debbie Macomber, at the end of 2013, and I was inspired.    On January 1, 2014, I dared to write down my word for the year and pray it each day for myself.  The word terrified me; my word for the year 2014 was Surrender.  I wanted to surrender my plans, hopes, dreams, and agenda to God, who had an even better plan for my life.  I had no idea how strongly this word would play out until I found myself in ICU not able to breathe on my own in June of that year.

By the end of 2014, I had not only gained my strength back but had also learned far more about surrender than I ever imagined possible.  I was hooked on choosing a word, now not only for myself but for each member of my immediate family.  My word for the year 2015 was Rejoicing.   I wanted to learn to rejoice not only when circumstances were going my way but also in the deepest disappointments.  It was a worthwhile journey.  The words I chose for my family were endurance, maturity, and trust.

When 2016 rolled around, I couldn’t wait to do this exercise again.  My word for the year 2016 was Renewal, as I looked at my new life with children moving away and going on the international mission field.  My words for my husband and children were balance, faith, and courage, as they all were learning huge lessons of their own.

By December of 2016, I even took myself on a one-woman, one-afternoon retreat to evaluate my life, set priorities, and, most importantly, determine my word.  My word for the year 2017 was Freedom as I sought to be released my own self-doubt, others’ expectations and opinions of me, and the limits I had placed on myself due to fear.  I experienced my best year yet, achieving more than ever and daring to do activities I never expected that I would.  My words for my family were fortitude, security, and maturity.

This year is no different.  I have chosen my word.  It’s another scary one because I know that there are many lessons I need to learn about this subject.  My word for this year is Humility.    True freedom only comes when I choose to humble myself before God and trust Him completely for my future.   The words I have selected for those closest to me are direction, leadership, and abiding.

I have found a great website that has also helped me in this journey:  www.oneword365.com.  It’s a wonderful community of people who have also chosen one word for the year so we can support one another as we live out our word for the year.

What will be your word for the year?

Stay tuned to my blog for posts about one-woman retreats and vision boards!

Loving Others Well

October 30, 2017 / / 0 Comments

I can’t think of a single better way to use the rest of my life than loving others well.   Before my eyes are even fully open in the morning, I have already mumbled “I love you” to my husband and scratched one of the cats.  Before I get out of bed, I express my love to God by reading His Word, applying it to my life, worshiping Him, and praying for over 100 people.  When I spend this time with God, I find that He fills me to overflowing with love so I can’t help but look for opportunities to love others all day, from those closest to me to those I have not yet met.

Love can be expressed in so many ways.  We often thing of it as physical affection, but that is just one way to show love.  We can make time to spend with others in deep conversation.  We can do something kind for others.  We can encourage one another with our words.  We can let someone know we are thinking of them with a text message, phone call, or a gift.  Even a smile to the grocery checker or the person in the car next to you in a traffic jam can ease a burden and make someone feel special.

The current rhythm of modern American life is becoming so fast-paced and impersonal that stopping to unselfishly invest in another’s happiness seems unnatural.  So many days I fail at loving others well.  I get caught up in the rush of life and my own agenda that I view others as obstacles to what I need to do instead of high priorities.  It is only when I go to God to get refreshed in His love that I have enough to give others.

When I am no longer on this earth, I want to be remembered as someone who loved others well!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Savoring Each Moment

October 29, 2017 / / 2 Comments

Our lives are moving at a quicker pace than they ever have.  We have our to-do lists, our cell phone notifications, and overpacked schedules to keep us busy from the time the alarm sounds in the dark hours of the morning until late at night.  We are constantly thinking towards the next thing.

It’s hard to slow down and appreciate the little things in life, yet this is exactly what is necessary for a healthy and balanced life.  When we look at life as an experience instead of a destination, we can enjoy the journey so much more.

When I participated in the Eugene Half Marathon this Spring, I’m sure I would have had a much faster finishing time if I totally focused on pushing my body as hard as I could and didn’t look around to savor the atmosphere.  I met a friend with a similar pace, and as we passed something interesting, I would say under my breath, “I always want to remember this.”   She looked at me with an odd expression until I told her of my quest to enjoy the memories I was making step by step along race.  She soon joined my glee as we witnessed someone playing a didgeridoo to cheer us on, a live pet duck sitting on its owner’s lap at the curb, the bright signs on poster board that encouraged us, and the beautiful Willamette River flowing under us as we crossed multiple bridges.  By the time I  entered the stadium that housed the legendary Hayward Field, where many Track and Field World Championships have occurred, tears escaped my eyes at the glory of the crowds cheering, the brisk wind, the blue sky, the worship music playing in my headphones, and the finish line stretched out before me.  I savored it!

One of my favorite verses in the Bible takes place during the telling of Christ’s birth in Luke 2.  In the midst of the birth of the Messiah, the angels’ chorus, the shepherds’ visit, and the animals in the stable, Mary took the time to savor the moment.  She must have been exhausted from having her first child out of town in a stable with many visitors, but Luke 2:19 says,  “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

Let’s be like Mary and treasure and ponder in our hearts!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

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