Category: Marriage (Page 3 of 4)

Hope for the Future

October 27, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

One of my favorite Christmas traditions as a child was sitting next to our stereo cabinet listening to Lionel Barrymore’s portrayal of Ebenezer Scrooge on an album of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I loved the sound effects, the background music, the lively reading of the well-loved book, and especially Barrymore’s characterization of Scrooge. I was a naturally fearful child, and the visits by each of the ghosts caused me to hide under a blanket for protection. The most terrifying ghost to me was the Ghost of Christmas Future. In fact, I can still remember the terror in Barrymore’s voice as he pronounced, “I fear you more than any specter I have seen.” This was my first exposure to the word, future, so I always associated the future with anxiety and panic.

I’m learning that we can anticipate the future with great hope and excitement or we can dread it. The choice is ours. The future will inevitably contain both positive and negative elements. I am assured that I will die in the future, unless Jesus returns before then. I could choose to focus my life on that so much that it prevents me from living today to the fullest. I can look forward to upcoming great times with loved ones, the addition of a new generation to our family tree, and the chance to grow and learn into my fifties, sixties, and seventies. I can’t wait to see just how valuable my golden years will be!

This post is part of a 31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty. Please click here to find all the posts in this series. You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Change

October 26, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My life has completely changed in the past ten years. In October of 2007, I had two young teenagers living at home whom I was homeschooling full time, my dad was still alive and took a lot of my time and energy, I was still driving close to 100 miles a week in a minivan, we had different pets, I weighed close to fifty pounds more than I do now, and my good health was sporadic. Now, just ten short years later, the kids have moved out, my dad and two pets have died, I drive less than 50 miles a week in a sporty Camry, and I’m in the best shape and health of my life.

It would have been ridiculous to refuse to accept the changes as they came. I would have done my children and my husband a disservice if I refused to allow the kids to spread their wings and fly the coop. I get much better gas mileage in my car than I ever did in my van. I have energy to get up each day, thanks to my new exercise and diet habits.

I used to view change as scary and unwelcome, but it is inevitable. I can deny it and resist it, but that doesn’t keep it from happening. It just makes life harder for everyone.

In this new decade of my life, I will choose to embrace change. My husband’s and my lives will certainly change this coming April when his job of nearly 27 years comes to an end. Our children’s lives are changing as is our relationship with them. We can grow and learn so much from change. I don’t know all the changes God has in store for my life in the next ten years, but I will trust Him and look forward what is to come.

Nurturing Myself

October 25, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Nurturing myself seemed like a selfish use of my time when I was raising my children. My days were already so busy that taking time for myself appeared to be an impossibility. I felt like nurturing myself would be the opposite of generosity.

Now I’m convinced that the beliefs I had were lies from the enemy to keep me in a depleted, ineffective state. When I don’t allow time to refresh and recharge myself, my emotional, physical, spiritual, and social “battery” runs out and shuts off, causing me to be useless to myself and others except as an example of what not to do!

However, I don’t think we should go to the other extreme and live in constant indulgence to ourselves and call it nurture. I used to think a good way to nurture myself was to eat a pound of chocolate and watch hours of television on end to the exclusion of the needs of my family. We need God’swisdom to determine the balance.

Nurturing ourselves looks different to each person. The music and activities that soothe me may agitate someone else. I was so out of touch with who I was as a person that I didn’t know what to do with myself when I did get the opportunity to nurture myself.

Some of favorite ways to nurture myself now are listening to worship music (Sherri Youngward’s Pandora station is my favorite), reading (I’m currently over halfway through Jan Karon’s newest Mitford book), running, writing my thoughts down, petting my three cats, hanging with my husband, and going to bed early enough to allow myself eight hours of sleep.

What are your favorite ways to nurture yourself?

Generosity

October 24, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

I came into this world with nothing, and I expect to leave with nothing, yet I seem to hold such a tight grasp on what I accumulate in this life. I sound like a toddler, screeching, “Mine” when someone reaches for my stuff. I remember my dad, one of my greatest influences, saying, “I would be more charitable, but what have those people done to deserve it?” It wasn’t a natural thing for him nor is it natural for me.

In my fifties, I want to release my protective selfishness regarding my belongings and use what I have to help others. It makes no sense to allow things that will better serve others to take up space in my home. The release of it will give me freedom and joy.

I also want to be generous with my time. The time I spend teaching, encouraging, consoling, ministering to, and investing in others will far outlast my lifetime. When I get selfish with my time, I tend to waste it binge watching television, so it’s best to give my time to what God has for me each day, and I know God can multiply that time.

It will feel so gratifying to enter this new decade giving up that what was never mine in the first place!

Laughter

October 23, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

Laughter has been one of my favorite parts of life since I was a baby. There can never be too much laughter in a day. Laughter can diffuse a tense situation, break down language barriers, lighten our load, relax us, and create joyful memories. Laughter is a great gift to give to give one another. One of my daily goals is to make my husband laugh really hard. We tend to take ourselves and our lives so seriously that it feels good to step away from that just to giggle. Nothing brings a smile to my face more than the laughter of children.

As I move into this next decade I want the following words from Proverbs 31:25 said about me, “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.” Laughter is the perfect accessory for any time in my life, especially the time to come!

New Family Members

October 14, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I had many family members as a little girl, including great-grandparents, twelve grandparents, a special aunt and uncle, a dad and stepmom, and a mom and stepdad. I took for granted that I would always be surrounded by a large, loving family until I started losing family members to death. I grieved for my great-grandparents and my grandparents, but I wasn’t until I started losing members of the generation directly above me that I felt the sting of my shrinking family. By the time my dad passed away two and half years ago, I felt quite lonely.

Photo courtesy of Katelyn Owens Photography

Now my family is growing again! In July, I welcomed my first son-in-law to the family, and he brought his family of origin with him. It’s fun to merge our family with new people from different backgrounds with different traditions. We had never met before a few years ago, yet now we share a future.

I also have gained family members through family dinner. Twice a week we text our son, his girlfriend and a handful of his college friends and let them know which restaurant where we’ll be dining that evening if they want to join us. So many of his friends do not have parents that live locally so these evenings give me times to enjoy and laugh with these delightful twenty-somethings and give them a dose of home and family.

I can’t help but look forward to being joined by grandchildren someday, but in the meantime, I’ll enjoy all the new members of my family!

Words

October 12, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 1 Comment

Words have fascinated me for my entire life. My earliest memories are of my mother’s lullabies, playing school with my sister, and frequent visits to the public library. I learned to read before my third birthday and used reading as a means of comfort and escape during a difficult childhood. I would often repeat well-written words aloud, savoring the sounds of them as they rolled off my tongue. When I finished one book, I was lost until I had another one to read.

Words still play an enormous role in my life. I still can’t fall asleep unless I’ve read at least two pages. Now my love for words has branched into writing them as well. Over the years, I’ve learned the power that words hold. I observed my children wilting from my critical and caustic words and bloom with encouraging, uplifting words. A single harsh remark would undo hundreds of compliments. Every word that comes out of my mouth is a choice. I still struggle to keep every word positive, but I am choosing to use the words I love to inspire instead of destroy.

Aging Gracefully with my Husband

October 5, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

My beloved husband and I met at the end of our teens and now have known each other for over 30 years. In that time, we have changed quite a bit from immature teenagers to parents-in-law turning 50. When we were first getting to know each other in the years of big hair and endless energy, I don’t think we ever considered that the time would come when our knees would crack, our backs would ache, our hairlines would recede, our eyesight would fade, and our strength would diminish, but each of those changes has occurred in the Clark house.

Yet when I look across the room at that distinguished man who became my husband, I embrace the changes. We can lament and laugh together as gravity and age reshape our bodies. Instead of staring at each other with rose-colored glasses, I have to grab my purple frames for distance and hubby grabs his readers. We can always tell when the other one is getting out of bed because of the groans and cracks. We understand one another’s exhaustion at the end of day.

We may not look like we did in the late 1980s, but we’ve earned every gray hair, wrinkle, muscle ache, and cracking joint. There’s still nobody I’d rather have by my side.

Relationships

October 3, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I can’t even begin to count the number of physical gifts I’ve received in my lifetime. It started with a baby shower before I was born and continued through 49 birthdays so far, 50 Christmases, my high school and college graduation, my wedding, 26 Mother’s Days, 27 anniversaries, and even some gifts just because. Yet all of those gifts combined do not compare to the relationships in my life.

Interacting with others is the gift that continues to bless me every day of my life, and that’s where I choose to spend my time. Laughter, consolation, sharing, conversing, smiling, exploring, and embracing are great investments. Stuff will break, rot, and get misplaced, but time spent with people can have lasting effects. I still remember those people who took time with me to show me that I had value in their eyes. This had a far greater effect on me than any physical gift would.

As I approach 50, my eyes are open for new opportunities to value other people in my life. Who will you choose to value today?

An Uncertain Future

September 30, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 4 Comments

My husband and I married each other 27 years ago when he still had a year of college to go. We lived on just over $800 a month as he worked toward completing his degree in computer engineering. On the Friday before finals week, days after his 23rd birthday, he received a great job offer at a local company, which he promptly accepted. He worked hard, and they treated him well. As years working for the company turned into decades, we began to think that this may be the company he would work for until he retired. Over the years, the company went through a series of three buyouts. With each change came new procedures, less benefits, and more distance between upper management and the workers. It was frustrating for my husband, but he continued to work hard as a loyal employee. The salary, location, and job security fit in well with our family’s lifestyle.

Around noon on our last day of vacation a month ago, I received a text from a friend whose husband works with mine, “Hi, Julie. Have you heard any news today? Call me if you have. I just talked to my husband.” This immediately concerned me, but I wanted the two of us to enjoy our last day away so I texted her back, letting her know that we were out of the country and didn’t know anything. I watched my husband all afternoon for signs that he might know some information but didn’t want to bring up the subject. As we sat down to our final dinner of the trip, he said, “I have some news. The company is closing their west coast offices. If we don’t move to Florida, I won’t have a job after April.”

This news shocked and saddened us, causing us to contemplate our future. This job had been a major component of our lives longer than our children had! He had just celebrated 26 years with the company in May. We had just spent the week in high humidity and had agreed the day before that we would not thrive in a humid climate, so we quickly agreed that the move to Florida was not going to happen. This part of our lives was coming to an end, leaving us with dozens of questions and unknowns about the years to come.

We sat at that dinner table for well over an hour, talking about our next steps. We agreed to look at this change as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. It’s an opportunity for him to consider where he wants to spend his final years of work before retirement, an opportunity for me to emotionally support my husband more than ever, and an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship and in our faith in a God who keeps His promises.

I’m not going to lie. The last month has been rough. My husband has felt devalued by a company he devoted over half his life to serving, but I value him more than I ever have. We have no idea what our future looks like, where he’ll work, or how we’ll easily make it through the next months of an increasingly stressful, low morale work environment for him, but we do know that we will place our trust in God and continue to point one another to Him whenever concerns overwhelm us.