Empty Nest, Abundant Life

Nag Less, Pray More

Category: Mothering Adults (Page 1 of 4)

Keeping in a Positive Mental Place

May 20, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I have always considered myself to be a positive person, but lately I must confess that I have been struggling with negative thoughts. Before I even open my eyes in the morning, my mind begins meandering to worries and worst-case scenarios instead of the greatness of God and the impact of a life well-lived for Him. I dwell on what others think of me and criticize myself about my weaknesses. I feel defeated before I rise.

Instead of allowing the enemy of my soul to hijack my thoughts, I need to focus my mind on the One who is in control and loves me more than I can comprehend. God is longing to bless me and to make each day a meaningful day for Him. Even in my sleepy early-morning restlessness, I need to immediately fix my mind on “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, and whatever is commendable.” This takes discipline, but I know from experience that it can strengthen me to greet my day with confidence and joy.

What are some morning habits you have developed to keep yourself in a positive mental place? I’d love to hear from you!

Nag Less, Pray More

October 26, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You may think that your constant reminders to loved ones are helpful, but they are not nearly as efficient as praying on their behalf.   Nobody appreciates being badgered.  In fact, it often drives them away from doing what you want.

Instead, take your concerns straight to the God of the universe who created you and the ones you love and knows the absolute best plan for each person’s life and the absolute best way to motivate each person toward that plan.  The Holy Spirit can convict others so much better than you can.   Trust God’s sovereignty instead of your own determination.

Be the person filled with encouragement  for others instead of the one people avoid because of the negative messages they bear.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Strive for unity more than perfection

October 18, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You interact with people often.  When their opinions, decisions, and actions are different from yours, you want to change them.  You reason with, debate, and manipulate in order to get your way.  This is completely unwise.  Do not try to control people.  

Instead, try to approach them on common ground.  Work together for a solution that will satisfy everyone involved.  As long as you don’t have to compromise your character in order to come to a consensus, be willing to negotiate.

You grew up in a household where your dad’s motto was, “Be reasonable; do it my way,” but I think it’s much better to live your life according to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a,  “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;[6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

It is far more important to work together than to be right.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Talk less, listen more!

October 12, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You learned to talk late and have been making up for it ever since then.  God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.  He wants you to be a great listener.

Remember how frustrated you used to get when you were talking to your dad and could tell that instead of paying attention to what you were saying, he was already busy formulating what would come out of his mouth next?  You are just as guilty of this as he was.   Don’t be so preoccupied with a response that you fail to hear the words that another person is expressing.

This can apply to any relationship at any time, from a quick chat with the grocery store checker to a heartfelt conversation with your husband.   When others see that you are not listening to their words, they will be less likely to confide in you or accept your words.  An unwillingness to actively listen keeps a relationship from growing.

Holding your tongue involves discipline and self-control, but it is so worth it in the end.

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Gratitude can help you get through anything

October 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

The temptation is so strong to focus on what is lacking in our lives instead of what is abundant in our lives.  It’s so easy to think about what we want to acquire, achieve, or change instead of express thankfulness for each blessing in our life.

Make it a game to see how many things you can express gratitude for each day.  From the first smell of coffee in the morning to your comfortable pillow at night, you can find objects, situations, feelings, relationships, and experiences that cause you to express gratefulness.  The more you notice and thank God for all you have, the stronger your “gratitude muscle” will become.

Your “gratitude muscle” will be especially needed on dark days, when finding things to be grateful for will take more effort and creativity.  When you choose to focus on all the gratitude-worthy parts of your life, your mood lightens and you realize just how blessed you really are!

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

 

Fighting Loneliness

September 10, 2018 / / 0 Comments

The silence reverberating through the house overshadows the memories of my boisterous children and their friends.

The time and energy I once spent daily on my children has diminished, and I wonder what to do with myself.

My arms which were once full of babies, groceries, and laundry are emptier now.

These are  the most common maladies among parents whose children have recently moved away from home.   Is there a cure for this dreaded disease?

On some of my darker and more hormonal days, I would argue that no cure exists, but, as time goes on, I am learning some ways to cope with the loneliness.  Here are some tips that have helped me go through the transition

  1.  Don’t isolate yourself!  Make it a goal every day to text, call, or get together with someone, even if you are an introvert.  You’ll find that many are as lonely as you are and would love to get together.  Look for groups in your area of others in similar situations.  I joined a group on Facebook of people from my town over 40, and they schedule multiple outings a month.
  2. Explore a new skill or topic you’ve always wanted to learn but didn’t have the presence of mind to master when my son and daughter lived at home.  I practice every day in hopes of finally becoming fluent in Spanish.  This also widens the scope of friends I can have.  I am also learning to crochet.  I participated in my first community theater production when I was in my mid 40s.
  3. Volunteer.  Opportunities exist everywhere to give back to the community, so look for one (or more) that will be a great fit for you.  On a weekly basis, I volunteer by visiting widows, running a mothering group, teaching preschoolers about the Bible, reading one-on-one with disadvantaged elementary school children,  and working at the sign-in desk for the preschoolers and kindergartners at church.  I receive far more hugs now from all these different people than I did when my kids were home.
  4. Start a new exercise routine.  You may meet new people, feel better, lose weight, and release endorphins all at the same time.
  5. Press into God.  I developed a deeper love for God and His Word once my children left home.  I realized that God would never leave me, and He was never too busy for relationship.  I could now enjoy uninterrupted time with Him.

What are some of your favorite tips for fighting loneliness?

Summer’s End

August 31, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Image result for stock photo backpack autumn

The calendar proclaims that three weeks remain until summer’s end, but the dark and chilly evenings tell me a different story. Summer has always been my favorite season, and part of me wants to hold on to the warm lack of structure that June, July, and August bring.  Every week was different during the summer.  Starting next week, my calendar fills back up with my regular activities.   I know what to expect each day, and I find comfort in that.

August used to bring a flurry of preparations for homeschooling my children, but now those children have graduated from college and are both married.  I still love to wander the back to school aisles at Target, looking at all the supplies and stocking up on any clearance items that would make life easier at the Clark house.  It feels wonderful when Darren or one of the kids needs a particular item at the last minute, and I can quickly give it to them, having purchased it at a fraction of the regular price.

Fall brings new beginnings for each member of the family, which in turn gives us new stories to tell one another.  My husband began a new career path at the local elementary school a few weeks ago.  My daughter began her third year of teaching a Special Day Class for 12 children with special needs earlier this month.  Lat week, my son began his fifth fall outreach at the local university since he went on staff with Christian Challenge.  They all have exciting and different experiences to share.

I know that in 8 months, I will be excited for the return of summer, but today I will rejoice that it’s summer’s end.

What is your favorite season, and why?

 

The Phone Call

June 4, 2018 / / 0 Comments

We’ve all the had those moments when the phone rings with news that changes our world…

I had the house to myself and was relishing the quiet one Thursday evening when our home phone rang,  jarring me from my peaceful reverie and sending my thoughts into instant high-gear.  The home phone seldom rings in this cellular age, but when it does, it’s either a telemarketer or bad news from afar.  My husband was assisting at the local community theater where he serves on the board, and I had recently talked to my daughter, who could practically taste her approaching Spring Break from her demanding teaching position.  The wild card was my 25-year-old son, David.  He was at a Spring Break conference with  a group of close to 100 university students at Hume Lake Christian Camp and had been out of cell range since the previous Sunday.   My heart pounded as I observed that the incoming phone call was from the camp’s main telephone number, the one used only for emergencies.

I braced myself as I answered, expecting to hear a somber voice informing me of a injury, but was surprised to hear David’s voice on the other end, and he sounded downright…giddy.  He’d never sounded this excited on the phone before and I understood the reason as the words came spilling out, “Mom, this afternoon I asked Mariana to marry me, and she said, ‘Yes!’  Tears sprang to my eyes as we rejoiced together.  It would be a short engagement, less than 4 months, so they could get married before another year of college ministry began, so we immediately started making plans.

As I hung up the phone, I reflected back to the day I first held him in my arms, so tiny and helpless.   He’s grown up to be a strong and admirable man, and I can’t wait to watch as he becomes a wonderful husband to Mariana.

 

The Perfect Amount of Busyness

February 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

This week marks seven years since my firstborn left the nest.  You would have thought that I’d have everything about the empty nest figured out by now, but I’m not even close.  My main challenge is making my life as purposeful as possible now that the children are no longer underfoot without overstuffing my life with unnecessary activity or causing myself to be unavailable during the times when my family needs me.

Each day we are given a gift of 1,440 minutes to spend however we choose.  Much of the time is spent on the “necessities” of sleeping, eating, and working, but we still have more time than we care to admit to use at our discretion.  What determines which activities are worth our time and which are a waste of it?

If I want my contributions to society to outlive me, I can’t spend days on end watching Netflix on the couch, but I do think “decompression” time is an essential component to life.  My husband comes home for lunch every day, so I try to work my schedule around that time so we can enjoy some time together when we’re not rushing out the door or weary from the effects of the entire day.  I am strongest physically in the morning hours, so I give those hours to my busiest tasks, those ones that take me out of the home.   In this season, my weekday mornings consist of the following: Mondays, I meet three moms for a brisk walk then do a Bible Study with a widow in our church; Tuesdays are Bible Study Fellowship leaders meeting and a couple of errands, Wednesday are teaching up to 13 preschoolers at Bible Study Fellowship, Thursdays are meeting 10 friends at a coffee shop to discuss and point one another to Jesus then visiting a friend’s widowed mother, and Fridays are either leading a meeting for moms or attending a planning session for these meetings.  My afternoons are used more for relationships, preparations for my morning pursuits, organization, appointments, or doing activities that cannot be completed in the morning.  Evenings are reserved for family.

Tomorrow is not assured so I want to fall asleep each night comfortable in the fact that I invested my time wisely.

What do you think are the best uses of time?

 

 

 

A Retreat for One

January 29, 2018 / / 0 Comments

It’s hard to believe that we’ve already reached the final days of January.   One month ago today, I left home for hours to go on my 2nd annual one-woman, one-afternoon retreat.   I do it on the last Friday afternoon of the year, but you can anytime you have at least three hours in a row and enough energy to do some deep thinking.

In the past, when I thought of retreats, I imagined driving with a van full of ladies to a rustic setting in the mountains for a weekend of fun, worship, and teaching.   I have been to many retreats like this, and they required preregistration, paying around $100, packing, picking just the right time to ask my husband if he could watch the kids, and gearing up my introverted self for a lot of “together” time.   Don’t get me wrong;  I have enjoyed, learned from, made great memories, and even taught at some of these experiences, but I was looking for something different.

In December of 2016, I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite nonfiction authors, Sally Clarkson.  She explained the benefits of getting away alone for a yearly reflection.  She also referred to materials from an author whose name I had never heard before, Lara Casey.  I went to both Sally and Lara’s websites and read all they had to say about this event,  put their suggestions into two Microsoft Word documents, and made plans to take my retreat at ….. Starbucks.   Much less money and planning!

I took the following things with me:

  1. My Bible
  2. A ton of notebook paper in a folder
  3. An assortment of brightly colored pens
  4. Inspirational stickers
  5. Highlighters
  6. Posterboard
  7. A Sharpie
  8. Kleenex

I found myself experiencing the entire spectrum of emotions as I sat nestled in a booth sipping on my mocha, thinking about all the wonderful events of the past year and setting goals for the following one.  Because I was alone, I could think objectively about my marriage, my children, and my own life, evaluating the good, the bad, and the ugly, and praying how to work on the difficulties.  I came home refreshed and ready to implement my plans.

Do I achieve every goal I set?  Definitely not, but I like having a direction I am choosing to travel in my life and page after page written in my own handwriting.  I would highly recommend this activity to you and can’t wait to see what God shows you about your life!

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