Category: Mothering Adults (Page 2 of 4)

New Year, New Word

January 8, 2018 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

The new year always brings a flurry of thoughts about how this year will be different from all the ones in the past. It causes us to analyze how we can be more effective and make resolutions to change habits as a result. I struggled to harness these strong feelings of resolve and to fine tune them, and I have found success in doing this for the past five years.

My secret? Choose a word! Just one word. A word that you want to aspire to learn more about and one that you will come to resemble more and more as the year goes by.

I read a great book on the topic, One Perfect Word, by Debbie Macomber, at the end of 2013, and I was inspired. On January 1, 2014, I dared to write down my word for the year and pray it each day for myself. The word terrified me; my word for the year 2014 was Surrender. I wanted to surrender my plans, hopes, dreams, and agenda to God, who had an even better plan for my life. I had no idea how strongly this word would play out until I found myself in ICU not able to breathe on my own in June of that year.

By the end of 2014, I had not only gained my strength back but had also learned far more about surrender than I ever imagined possible. I was hooked on choosing a word, now not only for myself but for each member of my immediate family. My word for the year 2015 was Rejoicing. I wanted to learn to rejoice not only when circumstances were going my way but also in the deepest disappointments. It was a worthwhile journey. The words I chose for my family were endurance, maturity, and trust.

When 2016 rolled around, I couldn’t wait to do this exercise again. My word for the year 2016 was Renewal, as I looked at my new life with children moving away and going on the international mission field. My words for my husband and children were balance, faith, and courage, as they all were learning huge lessons of their own.

By December of 2016, I even took myself on a one-woman, one-afternoon retreat to evaluate my life, set priorities, and, most importantly, determine my word. My word for the year 2017 was Freedom as I sought to be released my own self-doubt, others’ expectations and opinions of me, and the limits I had placed on myself due to fear. I experienced my best year yet, achieving more than ever and daring to do activities I never expected that I would. My words for my family were fortitude, security, and maturity.

This year is no different. I have chosen my word. It’s another scary one because I know that there are many lessons I need to learn about this subject. My word for this year is Humility. True freedom only comes when I choose to humble myself before God and trust Him completely for my future. The words I have selected for those closest to me are direction, leadership, and abiding.

I have found a great website that has also helped me in this journey: www.oneword365.com. It’s a wonderful community of people who have also chosen one word for the year so we can support one another as we live out our word for the year.

What will be your word for the year?

Stay tuned to my blog for posts about one-woman retreats and vision boards!

Taking the Back Seat

December 6, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My husband and I took a road trip with my son and his girlfriend over Thanksgiving break. We traveled over 400 miles each way to spend the holiday at my husband’s aunt’s house. It was an excellent opportunity to spend time getting to know David’s girlfriend, Mariana, and a chance to get away and have some fun.

My skills as a car passenger lack subtlety. I overreact to each car that comes to close, each sudden movement, and each time the driver does something that I have deemed to risky for my taste. It’s caused many tense moments between my husband and myself, since he is the most frequent driver in the household.

As usual, Darren drove most of the miles of this trip, but he did allow David to drive the longest that he ever has on this annual Thanksgiving trek. On the way home, David drove for over three hours. As the four of us switched spots and I moved to the back seat, I felt myself tense up. Would I be a Nervous Nellie backseat driver? I had brought many activities in my backpack that I had hoped to complete on this trip that I hadn’t even begun. I tentatively pulled out my Bible Study lesson and started to fill in the answers. As the miles continued, I felt my shoulders ease and my nerves settle. I was able to read a book I had wanted to finish, prepare for Bible Study, read a magazine, listen to the music, and engage in conversation.

This is a metaphor for my relationship with my children. Darren and I are no longer the “drivers” of their lives. We taught them the rules of the road and watched them become proficient and licensed drivers. Instead of gripping the door handles with white knuckles or feverishly pushing my imaginary brake pedal, it’s time to trust their abilities, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Growing in Gratefulness

November 3, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

On days like today, when life does not particularly go my way, it is harder to show gratitude. I tend to focus my attention on what is going wrong instead of being thankful for what is going right, yet when I resolve to look for blessings and show appreciation for them, I find my attitude making a change for the better, a smile spreading across my face, and my mind fixed on the Giver of All Good Gifts. I even find myself thankful for the challenges and obstacles in my life because they cause me to grow in patience, learn humility, and rely on God more than ever!

My Five Project Gratitude Thankful Things for Today

The Soft Fur on my Cats
Stimulating Conversation with a Table Full of Women who Point me to Jesus
Beautiful Rays of Sun Poking Through the Clouds. (I pulled over to the side of the road and snapped the above picture while driving through town today.)
The Refreshment of Ice Water After a Workout
A Phone Call from my Married Daughter Just to Chat.

What are you thankful for today?

Loving Others Well

October 30, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I can’t think of a single better way to use the rest of my life than loving others well. Before my eyes are even fully open in the morning, I have already mumbled “I love you” to my husband and scratched one of the cats. Before I get out of bed, I express my love to God by reading His Word, applying it to my life, worshiping Him, and praying for over 100 people. When I spend this time with God, I find that He fills me to overflowing with love so I can’t help but look for opportunities to love others all day, from those closest to me to those I have not yet met.

Love can be expressed in so many ways. We often thing of it as physical affection, but that is just one way to show love. We can make time to spend with others in deep conversation. We can do something kind for others. We can encourage one another with our words. We can let someone know we are thinking of them with a text message, phone call, or a gift. Even a smile to the grocery checker or the person in the car next to you in a traffic jam can ease a burden and make someone feel special.

The current rhythm of modern American life is becoming so fast-paced and impersonal that stopping to unselfishly invest in another’s happiness seems unnatural. So many days I fail at loving others well. I get caught up in the rush of life and my own agenda that I view others as obstacles to what I need to do instead of high priorities. It is only when I go to God to get refreshed in His love that I have enough to give others.

When I am no longer on this earth, I want to be remembered as someone who loved others well!

This post is part of a 31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty. Please click here to find all the posts in this series. You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Savoring Each Moment

October 29, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

Our lives are moving at a quicker pace than they ever have. We have our to-do lists, our cell phone notifications, and overpacked schedules to keep us busy from the time the alarm sounds in the dark hours of the morning until late at night. We are constantly thinking towards the next thing.

It’s hard to slow down and appreciate the little things in life, yet this is exactly what is necessary for a healthy and balanced life. When we look at life as an experience instead of a destination, we can enjoy the journey so much more.

When I participated in the Eugene Half Marathon this Spring, I’m sure I would have had a much faster finishing time if I totally focused on pushing my body as hard as I could and didn’t look around to savor the atmosphere. I met a friend with a similar pace, and as we passed something interesting, I would say under my breath, “I always want to remember this.” She looked at me with an odd expression until I told her of my quest to enjoy the memories I was making step by step along race. She soon joined my glee as we witnessed someone playing a didgeridoo to cheer us on, a live pet duck sitting on its owner’s lap at the curb, the bright signs on poster board that encouraged us, and the beautiful Willamette River flowing under us as we crossed multiple bridges. By the time I entered the stadium that housed the legendary Hayward Field, where many Track and Field World Championships have occurred, tears escaped my eyes at the glory of the crowds cheering, the brisk wind, the blue sky, the worship music playing in my headphones, and the finish line stretched out before me. I savored it!

One of my favorite verses in the Bible takes place during the telling of Christ’s birth in Luke 2. In the midst of the birth of the Messiah, the angels’ chorus, the shepherds’ visit, and the animals in the stable, Mary took the time to savor the moment. She must have been exhausted from having her first child out of town in a stable with many visitors, but Luke 2:19 says, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

Let’s be like Mary and treasure and ponder in our hearts!

Hope for the Future

October 27, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

One of my favorite Christmas traditions as a child was sitting next to our stereo cabinet listening to Lionel Barrymore’s portrayal of Ebenezer Scrooge on an album of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. I loved the sound effects, the background music, the lively reading of the well-loved book, and especially Barrymore’s characterization of Scrooge. I was a naturally fearful child, and the visits by each of the ghosts caused me to hide under a blanket for protection. The most terrifying ghost to me was the Ghost of Christmas Future. In fact, I can still remember the terror in Barrymore’s voice as he pronounced, “I fear you more than any specter I have seen.” This was my first exposure to the word, future, so I always associated the future with anxiety and panic.

I’m learning that we can anticipate the future with great hope and excitement or we can dread it. The choice is ours. The future will inevitably contain both positive and negative elements. I am assured that I will die in the future, unless Jesus returns before then. I could choose to focus my life on that so much that it prevents me from living today to the fullest. I can look forward to upcoming great times with loved ones, the addition of a new generation to our family tree, and the chance to grow and learn into my fifties, sixties, and seventies. I can’t wait to see just how valuable my golden years will be!

Change

October 26, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My life has completely changed in the past ten years. In October of 2007, I had two young teenagers living at home whom I was homeschooling full time, my dad was still alive and took a lot of my time and energy, I was still driving close to 100 miles a week in a minivan, we had different pets, I weighed close to fifty pounds more than I do now, and my good health was sporadic. Now, just ten short years later, the kids have moved out, my dad and two pets have died, I drive less than 50 miles a week in a sporty Camry, and I’m in the best shape and health of my life.

It would have been ridiculous to refuse to accept the changes as they came. I would have done my children and my husband a disservice if I refused to allow the kids to spread their wings and fly the coop. I get much better gas mileage in my car than I ever did in my van. I have energy to get up each day, thanks to my new exercise and diet habits.

I used to view change as scary and unwelcome, but it is inevitable. I can deny it and resist it, but that doesn’t keep it from happening. It just makes life harder for everyone.

In this new decade of my life, I will choose to embrace change. My husband’s and my lives will certainly change this coming April when his job of nearly 27 years comes to an end. Our children’s lives are changing as is our relationship with them. We can grow and learn so much from change. I don’t know all the changes God has in store for my life in the next ten years, but I will trust Him and look forward what is to come.

Nurturing Myself

October 25, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Nurturing myself seemed like a selfish use of my time when I was raising my children. My days were already so busy that taking time for myself appeared to be an impossibility. I felt like nurturing myself would be the opposite of generosity.

Now I’m convinced that the beliefs I had were lies from the enemy to keep me in a depleted, ineffective state. When I don’t allow time to refresh and recharge myself, my emotional, physical, spiritual, and social “battery” runs out and shuts off, causing me to be useless to myself and others except as an example of what not to do!

However, I don’t think we should go to the other extreme and live in constant indulgence to ourselves and call it nurture. I used to think a good way to nurture myself was to eat a pound of chocolate and watch hours of television on end to the exclusion of the needs of my family. We need God’swisdom to determine the balance.

Nurturing ourselves looks different to each person. The music and activities that soothe me may agitate someone else. I was so out of touch with who I was as a person that I didn’t know what to do with myself when I did get the opportunity to nurture myself.

Some of favorite ways to nurture myself now are listening to worship music (Sherri Youngward’s Pandora station is my favorite), reading (I’m currently over halfway through Jan Karon’s newest Mitford book), running, writing my thoughts down, petting my three cats, hanging with my husband, and going to bed early enough to allow myself eight hours of sleep.

What are your favorite ways to nurture yourself?

New Family Members

October 14, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I had many family members as a little girl, including great-grandparents, twelve grandparents, a special aunt and uncle, a dad and stepmom, and a mom and stepdad. I took for granted that I would always be surrounded by a large, loving family until I started losing family members to death. I grieved for my great-grandparents and my grandparents, but I wasn’t until I started losing members of the generation directly above me that I felt the sting of my shrinking family. By the time my dad passed away two and half years ago, I felt quite lonely.

Photo courtesy of Katelyn Owens Photography

Now my family is growing again! In July, I welcomed my first son-in-law to the family, and he brought his family of origin with him. It’s fun to merge our family with new people from different backgrounds with different traditions. We had never met before a few years ago, yet now we share a future.

I also have gained family members through family dinner. Twice a week we text our son, his girlfriend and a handful of his college friends and let them know which restaurant where we’ll be dining that evening if they want to join us. So many of his friends do not have parents that live locally so these evenings give me times to enjoy and laugh with these delightful twenty-somethings and give them a dose of home and family.

I can’t help but look forward to being joined by grandchildren someday, but in the meantime, I’ll enjoy all the new members of my family!

My Adult Children

October 6, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My youngest child turns 24 years old today. I don’t feel mature enough to be 24, let alone to have a child who is 24. Her brother is nearing his 26th birthday.

From the moment I knew that I was expecting these children, they have occupied much of my heart, my thoughts, my energy, and my fondest memories. I wanted to give them my very best to ensure that they experienced a great childhood. The first time I stared into their eyes, I knew that we were meant to be connected for the rest of our lives. Their transition from infancy through adolescence into adulthood was not without its bumps and detours, but the more time I spend with them as adults, the more I genuinely like and admire them. I would choose them to be my friends even if I wasn’t their mom.

Their maturity has required me to back off from my previous posture of hovering over them. I now need to nag and offer advice less and to encourage and pray even more. I don’t want to suffocate them in my presence. Instead, I am determined to make the limited time we share something we can all anticipate with joy. Being David and Abigail’s mother has filled my life with purpose and gratitude.