Category: Mothering Adults (Page 3 of 4)

Relationships

October 3, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I can’t even begin to count the number of physical gifts I’ve received in my lifetime. It started with a baby shower before I was born and continued through 49 birthdays so far, 50 Christmases, my high school and college graduation, my wedding, 26 Mother’s Days, 27 anniversaries, and even some gifts just because. Yet all of those gifts combined do not compare to the relationships in my life.

Interacting with others is the gift that continues to bless me every day of my life, and that’s where I choose to spend my time. Laughter, consolation, sharing, conversing, smiling, exploring, and embracing are great investments. Stuff will break, rot, and get misplaced, but time spent with people can have lasting effects. I still remember those people who took time with me to show me that I had value in their eyes. This had a far greater effect on me than any physical gift would.

As I approach 50, my eyes are open for new opportunities to value other people in my life. Who will you choose to value today?

This post is part of a 31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty. Please click here to find all the posts in this series. You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Introduction to Embracing Fifty

October 2, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

In two months and seven days, I will celebrate my 50th birthday. I’m shocked that it is coming so soon. I remember when the age of 23 seemed ancient, and now I’ve more than doubled that. As milestone birthdays approach, I reflect back on all that has happened in my life and look forward to the years to come. More than ever before, I want to use my life strategically to love all I can, influence all I can, and leave a legacy that will outlast my lifetime. I can’t wait to ponder and share my heart about the aspects that are nearest and dearest to me. Come visit me for the next 30 days, and together we’ll explore how to live a life that counts!

Pushing Past My Fears

September 27, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 3 Comments

I think I was born scared. My parents told me stories of my terror at my first Independence Day fireworks when I was less than 7 months old. I remember hiding under a blanket when the theme song to “I Dream of Jeannie” blared through the television, dreading the moment that the animated genie was sucked into the bottle. I was hesitant to ride a bike, jump in a pool, or call anyone on the phone. As I entered adolescence, I became preoccupied with my fear of other people’s opinions of me.

I let each fear and concern hold me back from taking risks or enjoying new activities. Then I became a mom. I delighted in my children’s new experiences and marveled at their bravery as they stepped into the unknown with more faith than fear.

As my children left the nest, I made the choice to push past fears. Instead of worrying what others thought or the worst case scenario, I would let my yes supersede my no. I had to remind myself that the chances of a mishap were small and that mishaps occurred even in everyday life. Sometimes I’d tremble and be close to tears but I’ve now driven an ATV, gone on a Segway tour, participated in 4 half marathons, rappelled into an underground cave, and zip lined. I have no idea what God has in store, but I plan to follow him boldly!

Back to School

August 17, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I loved it from the moment I laid eyes on each building, path, bridge, garden, and pathway 30 years ago this summer. I was a 19-year-old transfer student, eager to embrace a new life at California State University, Chico, located three hours away from home. My mother did not share my enthusiasm as she peered into my first dorm room, muttering, “It looks like a prison.” Within a few days of moving in, I noticed a handsome dark-haired resident as I sorted mail at the front desk. Less than three years later, I married him. During my college years, I determined my values and morals, stretched myself as an adult, developed friendships that are still influential in my life, made some of my favorite memories in my life, and received a fabulous education.

My husband and I were lucky enough to settle in the same city where we attended university and raised our children only a couple miles away from the rose garden where we first kissed. We took our children to see performances at the auditorium on campus. We strolled through the campus with them from an early age. When it came time for them to determine where to attend college, their choice of majors and preferences in size and extracurricular activities also led them both to choose Chico State for their undergraduate degrees as well. They attended lectures in the buildings where we once studied. They met their closest companions. They thrived in their chosen career paths. While they attended, I became a member of the Parent Advisory Council, volunteering at many events. I beamed with pride on their graduation day in 2014, watching them cross the same stage their father and I had crossed to receive our degrees in 1990 and 1991.

I continued my involvement in the Parent Advisory Council after they graduated. Today it was my privilege to assist parents today as they moved their children in to the residence halls. I answered questions, consoled, gave advice, directed them to the right places, gave them swag, and sometimes handed them Kleenex as their emotions came bubbling to the surface. It was so fun to relive memories as I walked around the campus I love so much.

I have learned great practical tips that I observed from my experience as student, parent, community member, and volunteer, some by dismal failures I have made and some by observing others. Here’s some of my favorite:

Try to get all your shopping done at Target or Walmart before you arrive. These stores are a madhouse during move-in weeks.
Assemble a small toolkit for your child with a hammer, pliers, a screwdriver, duct tape, and hanging hooks.
Prepare to expand your flexibility and patience. If you start to lose your cool, your child’s final thoughts of you before you leave won’t be positive ones.
Make sure you pack lots of snacks.
Don’t overstay your welcome. Show your support, get them moved in, take them out for something to eat, then say your goodbyes.
Rest in a job well done. We raise them to leave the nest and soar!

She’s Married!

August 15, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Abigail and Joseph, picture by Katelyn Owens photography

I awoke on July 8 with the weight of the world on my shoulders yet great anticipation. Today would be one of the biggest day of our lives as we celebrated our daughter entering into married life. My daughter told me that all she asked is that I would not be sick or stressed on this momentous day. I took comfort in my usual morning routines of a quiet time with Jesus, some brain games, and a quick breakfast with my vitamins before preparing myself to go to the church. I loaded up the car with last minute supplies and prayed with my husband before I headed over to the venue across town.

Abbie had a detailed schedule of the day for all of the people involved in the wedding, and the schedule told me to arrive at 10:30am for hair and makeup. I am not a girly-girl by any stretch of the imagination but had researched hairstyles that complement my hair length and color. Lexie, our amazing hair stylist and one of Abbie’s childhood friends, worked wonders on my hair. Likewise, another one of Abbie’s childhood friends, Emily, brought out features in my face that I didn’t even know existed. We had many hours of preparation and relaxation before the ceremony.

The entire day passed by in a joyful blur of love, music, smiles, laughter, pride, tears, activity, embraces, pictures, fun, reunions, dancing, waiting, celebrating, and waving goodbye. I had asked my friends to pray that the triple digit temperatures would miraculously decrease, thinking that would ensure the day’s “success.” God taught me a valuable lesson by not lowering the temperatures but lowering all stress and tension instead.

For any mothers anticipating their daughter’s weddings, I have some tips of what worked well for us.

If financially possible, get a hotel room for the bride and her closest bridesmaids the night or two before the wedding. This gives them independence and a last chance for bonding and gives you much needed peace and rest.
Bring a wireless speaker to the room where the bride is getting ready and play her favorite Pandora station. Music can soothe nerves and promote joy. My daughter’s request was the John Mayer station.
Order deli trays from the local supermarket to have in the bride’s and groom’s dressing rooms around lunchtime if the ceremony isn’t until mid to late afternoon. If a friend offers to help, have them pick up the deli trays and even split them between the bride’s and groom’s rooms.
Bring a small assortment of childhood toys to the dressing room if there are children in the ceremony. We had Legos and Fisher Price toys, and they were not only beneficial to the flower girl and ring bearer but also to the children of the pastor and worship leaders, not to mention some of the adults with a childlike heart. My husband and I had so much fun playing with 3 delightful little girls during the sound check, and we found that it relaxed us and reminded us of precious time spent playing with our daughter.
Take fun and candid pictures during the day, but don’t get in the way of the official photographer.
Don’t insist on your own way. This is your daughter’s wedding. Being right isn’t worth more than your relationship with your daughter.
Enjoy yourself! This is a great day where you get to see many people you love. Let them know what they mean to you and how honored you are that they are in attendance.
Stand back and observe the precious moments of the day, and tuck those memories into your heart for days when you are missing your little girl.
With much love from the father and mother of the bride!

My Broken Wedding Vows

August 7, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

My husband and I had agreed to exchange cards instead of gifts for our 27th anniversary since our finances and time were being consumed by our only daughter’s wedding coming up eight days later. I pondered what deep words to inscribe into the card and decided to track down our wedding vows and copy those words as my message to him in the card. I searched through boxes and closets to locate the wedding memory album that contained the vows. I finally found the book in an obscure corner of a bookshelf and flipped to the proper page. Memories flooded my mind as I thought about the evening we composed our vows. Two 22-year-old children who didn’t have a clue of what the years would bring discussing and drafting what we thought marriage would look like. If I recall correctly, afterward we collaborated on drawing a mustache and horns on Susan Lucci on the cover of TV Guide. That shows how mature and ready for marriage we were. I was shocked at the idealistic words we came up with, which read,

“I commit my life to you before all these witnesses.

I will use all of my tomorrows to the best of my ability to share with you in responsibility of creating a Christian home, full of love and understanding.

I will encourage and support you through all times, both good and bad.

I promise to always respect you and your ideas, and to never put myself first, but to always build you up.

And I ask you to hold me accountable in keeping God the center of our marriage.

I will be the best mother than I can be to our children.

And I promise to be your best friend for the rest of my life.”

I’ve broken these vows! How many times in our marriage have I selfishly put my needs above his? Have I always been the encouragement and support I should have been? Have we been accountable to one another about keeping God the center of our marriage? Is our home full of understanding? I started to panic.

Then I reflected on what we had done right. We are still best friends, and we’ve devoted ourselves to raising the children we’d not yet met when we wrote these words into amazing adults.

One of those amazing adults lay sprawled across our bed chatting with me two days before her own wedding. She confided that she hadn’t finished writing her vows. Now that I knew where ours were located, I pulled the book out and showed her. Her eyebrows rose as she silently read the promises and she muttered under her breath, “That’s a lot!”

Marriage is an arduous journey, yet so rewarding. I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’ve been so frustrated at times that I couldn’t see straight. I’ve wondered if we would beat the odds and keep our marriage together. Yet when I wake up early and watch my husband sleeping beside me, I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I’m even more in love with him than the day we wrote the vows we’ve broken.

Confessions from the MOB

June 29, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

No, I haven’t joined organized crime. No, I am not part of an angry crowd. In nine short days, my only daughter is getting married, and I will be the Mother of the Bride.

Here are some observations I have about this time:

My emotions are constantly whirling…One minute I am so excited for the wedding and my daughter’s marriage and the next minute I can’t hold back the tears.

I really like hanging out with my daughter.

There are more expenses and decisions than I ever anticipated.

I can’t please all people at all times.

Planning can be a lot of fun.

I’m far more preoccupied with what I wear and how I will look than I thought I’d be.

Some of my suggestions are spot on, and some are really out of touch with the 21st century bride.

It’s not my wedding.

My daughter is going to be joined to someone else instead of us. Her name and address will change.

We do not need everything the bridal magazines suggest in order to get them married.

I have no control over the weather for the wedding.

Communication is key, and encouragement is vital.

It’s impossible to invite everyone that has been a part of Abbie and Joe’s lives.

I really miss my mom and wish I would have asked her all her secrets about wedding planning.

My hubby is a very sweet daddy when it comes to his little girl.

I really want to have a great time at this wedding.

I don’t know how I’m going to keep from crying on her big day.

I still think of Abbie as a little girl, but she has grown up to be an amazing and capable woman.

I’m really going to miss her.

It’s not about me.

A Goodbye Said Too Soon

June 19, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

My Amazing Mom, LuAnn February 4, 1943-June 19, 2004

A girl will always need her mother, whether she is nine years old or forty-nine years old or even eighty-nine years old. I didn’t realize the truth of this statement until it was too late…..

So many of my earliest memories are of times spent with my mother. She taught me so many lessons through the way she acted and how she treated other people. Despite a difficult upbringing and unhappy marriage to my father, she remained positive and made it her goal to give us a better life than she had experienced. I am her youngest child, born when my mom was twenty-four years old. My sister was already approaching her 5th birthday by the time I arrived, so I had many hours of one on one time with her when my sister began elementary school. My mom and I shared a love of cats, chocolate, and the beach.

As I entered my teens, I became so determined to establish my independence from her. I regret that so much now. She loved me when I was quite unlovable. She retired to help plan my wedding and never complained as I squeezed her hand through each contraction of my two labors. She doted on my two children, calling them her “doll babies,” I knew she was always as close as the other end of the phone line.

Shortly after her 60th birthday, she began experiencing tremors in her hands. She kept this information to herself at first but then decided to seek medical attention to identify the cause. I was so wrapped up in my life as a homeschooling mother that I didn’t pay much attention until the day my husband came home from work early and wanted to speak with me privately. He compassionately told me that my mom had called him at work to tell him the diagnosis…cancer with metastasis to the brain. I listened in shock but then needed to spring into action as I accompanied her to many appointments and tests and helped her communicate this news to others.

The next year was a rough one as I watched her health decline even though she was fighting the disease so hard through radiation and chemotherapy. She didn’t want to leave us, but I felt her slipping away…..

During her final weeks, I would travel to her house for half of every week to take care of her. Even though it was so hard to leave my husband and children, I cherished the time with her. She could still talk and laugh and enjoy the Krispy Kreme doughnuts I would bring each time. Every day, I would sob in the shower so nobody else could hear.

One Saturday in June, my husband, twelve-year-old son, and myself picked up my ten-year-old daughter from camp close to my mom’s house and made a planned visit so Abbie could tell her Grandma Lu all about camp and my family could have a chance to see my mom. We spent a couple of fun hours together as Abbie sang camp songs and I attended to Mom’s needs. My sister and her husband were also coming for a visit that day as well. It was rare that we were all together since my sister and I were “tag team caregivers.” Mom was still fully alert but so physically weak that her legs crumbled beneath her and she scraped her leg, requiring medical attention. The ambulance arrived, and Mom calmly told the EMTs all the proper dosages of her current medications. Mom’s male companion, Jimmy, rode with her in the ambulance while my sister and her husband and my family and I followed in our own cars, fully expecting that Mom would be released after receiving stitches.

My mom lost consciousness in the ambulance and never regained it. After the medical personnel performed CPR on her for a while, we made the difficult decision to have them stop in accordance with Mom’s wishes. She died 13 years ago today.

So many times since that day I’ve reached for the phone to tell Mom some important news or to ask her a question, only to realize she can no longer answer. My absence remains an ache in my heart, but I have chosen to follow her example of optimism. Every day I do something that would make her proud. She will never truly be gone as long as her memory and lessons live on in those she loved.

I will never forget you, Mom!

A Different Kind of Easter

April 17, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Our children up at Grandma Lu’s house on Easter, 1996.

It’s Easter afternoon, and just my husband and I are home. We did not have an egg hunt or a make your own pizza party as we have in years past. We gave the kids and significant others their Easter gifts in reusable bags on Tuesday when we met for lunch. We’ve napped on and off this afternoon. I am just beginning to smell a delicious glazed ham baking in the oven. It has been such a peaceful day, focusing on why we celebrate this holiday.

It may seem odd that we aren’t spending it with our children. For the first Easter in her life, our daughter does not live in the same town as we do. She and her fiance are involved in church activities, and school resumes after Spring Break tomorrow. They have enough going on in their lives without insistent parents demanding that they come up to visit for the second time in a week. Our son does live in town, but he is involved at his church and is a staff member in a college ministry. His day was busy, and hanging out with mom, dad, and the pets in his childhood home isn’t the most exciting way to spend Easter.

We could have driven the 90 miles up to my in-laws’ house in the rain, but my husband had a busy morning helping with children’s ministry at church. He ran sixteen miles yesterday, and I ran ten. Our bodies are tired. It feels so good to rest. Monday morning will start with a bang in just over 14 hours, and we are finding that our weeks run so much more smoothly if we have taken the time to fully decompress and prepare for the coming weeks on the weekends.

We do look forward to many special times spent with our children and the families they will create, but we have learned to choose our battles in parenting. whether our children are three years old or 23 years old. We treasure the memories we have of all the Easters we have spent together, but for today, it feels wonderful to put our feet up, savor the silence, and thank God for sending His Son to pay the penalty for our sins and triumph over death. Happy Resurrection Day to each of you, however you celebrate it!

Priorities

April 2, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 3 Comments

It was on my to-do list to complete a blog post yesterday. I had set aside an hour yesterday afternoon to create and publish.

As I prepared to sit at my computer, I heard the sound of a key in my front door and the creaky hinges as the door opened. 4:08pm. Strange. My husband doesn’t get off work for another hour, and my daughter lives an hour and a half away. I warily called out a greeting and was met with the deep voice of my 24-year old son who has lived in an apartment on the other side of town for the past six years. What a delightful surprise! We see him at least once a week at a local restaurant for family dinner, but I couldn’t remember the last time he’d stopped by unannounced in the middle of the day.

He grabbed a Gatorade and sat in the chair across from me in our family room. The next hour or so was filled with laughter, conversations, questions, and a quick meal as we caught up on all the happenings in our lives. He filled me in on his plans, the highs and lows of his week, and how he was feeling about a variety of topics. Shortly after 5, he looked down at watch and slowly rose, announcing that he needed to get to band practice.

I knew from the second that I heard his voice that the blog post would not happen yesterday because my priority is relationship with my son. I have nothing tangible to show for the time that I spent with my son yesterday, but I grew more in my knowledge of him and he grew in his trust for me that I would be available to listen when he wanted to talk. Both of those are priceless commodities in my book. I never want to get so wrapped up in the completion of tasks on a list that I fail to make time for those I love the most.

What would you consider your top priorities? What would make you set aside your to-do list?