Category: My Walk with Jesus (Page 5 of 6)

Lack of Control

October 13, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I’ll admit that lack of control is a tough concept for me to embrace. I am a selfish and prideful woman and desire to be in charge. Yet when I do seize control, I make a mess of things. I need to accept that God had my life figured out before the foundation of the world, and His plans are infinitely better than my own.

I remember being in the throes of hard labor with my first child, attempting to breathe right and do everything according to my birth plan, and what was happening in real life looked nothing like what I had dreamed. I cried out to the nurse, “I feel so out of control,” and the nurse looked into my eyes and calmly replied, “Welcome to motherhood.”

I need to remember that even in the darkest days, God is trustworthy and is weaving each circumstance into a breathless tapestry. I only tend to look at the back side of his handiwork and see loose threads and wonder how that can be a thing of beauty. When I cease striving and allow God to have His way in my life, everything, while it may not be easy, goes so much better!

This post is part of a 31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Embracing Fifty. Please click here to find all the posts in this series. You can find the work of more bloggers participating in this series here. You’ll be glad you did!

Physical Limitations

October 9, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 10 Comments

I just can’t do as much as I once did. If I try to push myself too hard, I become dangerously tired and need to recuperate for days. I realize that cannot get through the day without relying on God. My own power will not be enough.

This might seem horrible to an outsider, but I choose to embrace it. It keeps me in relationship with my faithful God, allows me to slow down and savor life, and reminds me that at the end of my life I’ll be trading in this weak and limited “earth suit” for a new and perfect body that will last through eternity.

Mentoring Others

October 8, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I have had the privilege of many mentors in my life. My parents were my first mentors, followed by my teachers, spiritual leaders, and friends who are a few steps ahead of me on the journey of womanhood. I would not be who I am without the time, energy, prayers, and help invested in me by each of these people.

The best return I can give others from their investment in me is to turn around and invest in others. I don’t have to know everything to be a mentor. In fact, it’s a relief to others to see that life is never without its struggles. God has had me go through a variety of experiences so I could mentor others on similar journeys. At this stage in my life, I am mentoring a group of moms at a mommy group at church, teaching preschoolers the joys of following Jesus, tutoring four third graders in reading at the local elementary school, encouraging others who have similar health conditions to my own, discipling a group of 2nd through 5th grade girls at church, and being an example to my own two children.

Mentoring others has brought me great joy, especially as I see those I taught go on to mentor others. Who are you being called to mentor today?

Worship

October 4, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

When I focus on myself, my life doesn’t go as well. I vacillate between two extremes: thinking pridefully of myself and the way I am handling life or getting down on myself and my lack of having “figured life out” yet. The very best way to keep this from happening is to look upward and focus on worshiping the One who made me, the One who knows everything about me and still loves me anyway. I’ve heard that worship is showing somebody’s worth, and nobody is worthy of all that I am than God.

When I focus on His attributes and character, I can’t help but feel joy bubbling up within me. Worship takes many forms at my house. Sometimes it’s quietly listening to music. Sometimes it’s writing down what I love and appreciate about God that day….I could spend the rest of my life writing and still barely scratch the surface of His substance and all that He is to me. Sometimes it’s singing at the top of my lungs in my car. The common component is taking the focus off myself and focusing on lifting God up to the place He rightfully deserves in my life and this world.

Prayer

October 3, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I waste far too much time every day fretting about what I cannot control. I chew on each difficult circumstance in my mind wondering how I could manipulate it to work for me. A far better use of my energy and time is to hang out with God in extended prayer.

It still amazes me to no end that the God who created the universe longs to hear from me. When I start my day by worshiping him, confessing my struggles, thanking him for all he has given, and casting my cares upon Him, I can’t help but get up with a smile on my face. It’s a relief to know that the One with all the power listens to my prayers and will work all circumstances together for good.

Introduction to Embracing Fifty

October 2, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

In two months and seven days, I will celebrate my 50th birthday. I’m shocked that it is coming so soon. I remember when the age of 23 seemed ancient, and now I’ve more than doubled that. As milestone birthdays approach, I reflect back on all that has happened in my life and look forward to the years to come. More than ever before, I want to use my life strategically to love all I can, influence all I can, and leave a legacy that will outlast my lifetime. I can’t wait to ponder and share my heart about the aspects that are nearest and dearest to me. Come visit me for the next 30 days, and together we’ll explore how to live a life that counts!

An Uncertain Future

September 30, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 4 Comments

My husband and I married each other 27 years ago when he still had a year of college to go. We lived on just over $800 a month as he worked toward completing his degree in computer engineering. On the Friday before finals week, days after his 23rd birthday, he received a great job offer at a local company, which he promptly accepted. He worked hard, and they treated him well. As years working for the company turned into decades, we began to think that this may be the company he would work for until he retired. Over the years, the company went through a series of three buyouts. With each change came new procedures, less benefits, and more distance between upper management and the workers. It was frustrating for my husband, but he continued to work hard as a loyal employee. The salary, location, and job security fit in well with our family’s lifestyle.

Around noon on our last day of vacation a month ago, I received a text from a friend whose husband works with mine, “Hi, Julie. Have you heard any news today? Call me if you have. I just talked to my husband.” This immediately concerned me, but I wanted the two of us to enjoy our last day away so I texted her back, letting her know that we were out of the country and didn’t know anything. I watched my husband all afternoon for signs that he might know some information but didn’t want to bring up the subject. As we sat down to our final dinner of the trip, he said, “I have some news. The company is closing their west coast offices. If we don’t move to Florida, I won’t have a job after April.”

This news shocked and saddened us, causing us to contemplate our future. This job had been a major component of our lives longer than our children had! He had just celebrated 26 years with the company in May. We had just spent the week in high humidity and had agreed the day before that we would not thrive in a humid climate, so we quickly agreed that the move to Florida was not going to happen. This part of our lives was coming to an end, leaving us with dozens of questions and unknowns about the years to come.

We sat at that dinner table for well over an hour, talking about our next steps. We agreed to look at this change as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. It’s an opportunity for him to consider where he wants to spend his final years of work before retirement, an opportunity for me to emotionally support my husband more than ever, and an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship and in our faith in a God who keeps His promises.

I’m not going to lie. The last month has been rough. My husband has felt devalued by a company he devoted over half his life to serving, but I value him more than I ever have. We have no idea what our future looks like, where he’ll work, or how we’ll easily make it through the next months of an increasingly stressful, low morale work environment for him, but we do know that we will place our trust in God and continue to point one another to Him whenever concerns overwhelm us.

Life is a Gift!

June 20, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Today marks another anniversary that will always stick out in my mind. It may not sound like a positive experience, but it truly was a gift that redefined my life.

Three years ago today started as a fairly normal day with house chores, going out to lunch with a friend, then preparing to go to work. Then the day took a dramatic turn….I suddenly felt complete fatigue and collapsed on the coach. As the day progressed, so did my weakness, until I couldn’t move from the couch and I was struggling to swallow and breathe. It was frightening yet not totally unfamiliar. At the age of nineteen, I had been diagnosed with a neuromuscular disorder called myasthenia gravis. I had experienced bouts of weakness over the past 25 years, but this one felt the most severe. My husband was immersed in a project with a swiftly impending deadline, so I didn’t want to bother him, but I knew that I needed more help than rest on a couch could provide.

A few hours later, due to an insistent phone call from our daughter, Darren took me to the emergency room, and I was admitted to the neuro ICU and hooked up to a number of machines, especially one to help me breathe. Once I was settled there, Darren needed to go home and finish the project. I was still fully conscious, and my thoughts were beeping and whirring around in my head much like the machines that surrounded me. How had my life changed so profoundly in the course of a few hours? I’d always thought of the Intensive Care Unit as a place where people don’t often exit alive. Was the end of my time on earth near for me?

As I lay alone, I heard an electronic melody and immediately identified it as “Brahm’s Lullaby,” a song my mother had sung to me as a child. Was Mom sending me a message from heaven, calling me to join her? I later found out that the hospital PA system plays the song each time a baby is born in the maternity unit!

I reflected on my life…I had graduated both high school and college, married the love of my life, experienced motherhood with both a son and a daughter, and watched those two children graduate from both high school and college. Would this be the complete experience of my life? How would people remember me? I still had so much more I wanted to do with my life!

I received the blessing of a second chance. I stayed five days in the hospital before gaining enough strength to be released. The summer of 2014 was a limited one, spent mostly in a wheelchair at my dining room table with my Bible and a journal. I memorized the book of Philippians and found out just how much God loved me. He loved me so much that He didn’t want me living an over-stuffed, stressful life but instead one filled with purpose and love.

Three years later, I am in the best condition of my life–both physically and emotionally. Each day is a challenge to see just how many people I can make a difference with, care for, and love. I know firsthand that tomorrow is not assured, so I choose to live each day like it is the most precious gift that I could ever receive.

What Compels You?

April 18, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

I remember mornings as a young child. My mother would wake me up and tell me to prepare for the day ahead. Whether that was going to the beach or attending school, I wanted to please my mom, so I obeyed.

College was a new experience with nobody checking to make sure I was up and attending my classes. I soon learned that one of the main keys to an A or a B involved actually attending class. I made every effort to be at each class section because I was motivated by grades.

Within two years after college graduation, I brought my firstborn home from the hospital. His piercing cries in the night and complete dependence on me jolted me out of bed multiple times during the night and early in the morning. Less than 17 months later, his sister arrived, adding her voice and needs into the mix. The next 18 years with them were thousands of mornings of rising to tend to their needs and educate them. My love for my husband and children and desire to be a great wife and mom got me out of bed morning after morning.

Then, the children grew up and moved out on their own. They no longer needed me to take care of them. My husband remained home, but he is better at taking care of himself than I am. I floundered a bit, wondering what would excite me enough to pop out of bed with drive, energy, and purpose each day. I wrestled with my identity and significance as a person.

My son moved out over six years ago, and my daughter has been gone for over four years, and I’m just beginning to get a more focused picture of what the compelling force in my life needs to be. It can’t be based on shifting circumstances, but it needs to be based on the One who put the circumstances in my life and works all circumstances together for good.

The following verses have been rattling through my minds this week as I considered Christ’s death and Resurrection. “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that One died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:14-15 NIV). If I am compelled by Christ’s love, I have eternal purpose and endless possibilities. Christ’s love compels me to get out of bed on Mondays to walk both physically and spiritually with other moms on the same journey and to visit a widow to compel her out of bed. Christ’s love compels me out of bed on Tuesdays and Wednesdays to be trained and to teach in Bible Study Fellowship. Christ’s love compels me out of bed on Thursdays for a standing coffee date with 10 other women who sharpen me and point me to Jesus, to visit a friend’s mother who no longer drives, and to tutor reading at the local elementary school. Christ’s love compels me out of bed on Fridays to mentor up to 30 moms in our church’s Moms group. Christ’s love compels me out of bed on the weekends to spend time with my favorite person on earth, my husband. Christ’s love compels me to share what He is teaching me with you.

What compels you?

A Different Kind of Easter

April 17, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Our children up at Grandma Lu’s house on Easter, 1996.

It’s Easter afternoon, and just my husband and I are home. We did not have an egg hunt or a make your own pizza party as we have in years past. We gave the kids and significant others their Easter gifts in reusable bags on Tuesday when we met for lunch. We’ve napped on and off this afternoon. I am just beginning to smell a delicious glazed ham baking in the oven. It has been such a peaceful day, focusing on why we celebrate this holiday.

It may seem odd that we aren’t spending it with our children. For the first Easter in her life, our daughter does not live in the same town as we do. She and her fiance are involved in church activities, and school resumes after Spring Break tomorrow. They have enough going on in their lives without insistent parents demanding that they come up to visit for the second time in a week. Our son does live in town, but he is involved at his church and is a staff member in a college ministry. His day was busy, and hanging out with mom, dad, and the pets in his childhood home isn’t the most exciting way to spend Easter.

We could have driven the 90 miles up to my in-laws’ house in the rain, but my husband had a busy morning helping with children’s ministry at church. He ran sixteen miles yesterday, and I ran ten. Our bodies are tired. It feels so good to rest. Monday morning will start with a bang in just over 14 hours, and we are finding that our weeks run so much more smoothly if we have taken the time to fully decompress and prepare for the coming weeks on the weekends.

We do look forward to many special times spent with our children and the families they will create, but we have learned to choose our battles in parenting. whether our children are three years old or 23 years old. We treasure the memories we have of all the Easters we have spent together, but for today, it feels wonderful to put our feet up, savor the silence, and thank God for sending His Son to pay the penalty for our sins and triumph over death. Happy Resurrection Day to each of you, however you celebrate it!