Empty Nest, Abundant Life

Nag Less, Pray More

Category: New Experiences (Page 1 of 6)

Finding Joy on Hard Anniversaries

April 9, 2019 / / 0 Comments
One of the last pictures of my Dad and I together

Today marks the fourth anniversary since my dad took his last breath on earth. As the day grew nearer, part of me dreaded that April 9 was approaching. I really hate being an orphan, even at my age, but I made the decision to be as positive as I could. I reflected on the 47 years that I did have him. I remembered how miserable he was in his final months of suffering and how now he is free of that.

After the alarm rang this morning, I plodded to the bathroom and stared at the date. Then I went back to bed and read the newspaper, an activity my dad was certain to do each day of his adult life. I studied one of his favorite books, the Bible, all morning. I exercised in his honor this afternoon. I called his only other child, my older sister.

Instead of only looking back on what would please my dad, I also looked forward to what I want my life to look like in the future. My dad had very strong opinions that I often let hinder me from being my authentic self around him. I took the annual online test for my favorite game show, Jeopardy, this evening. I’m seeking to blog more often, allowing the “real me” to be put out there for the world to see. I’m already in my pajamas, even though it’s only 6:15pm. I get to spend the evening with my hubby, who I had to tell my father on many occasions had “gracefully dethroned” my dad as the most important male figure in my life.

As we get older, it becomes inevitable that we will lose loved ones and have painful memories. We have a choice to dwell on the loss or be thankful for the time we had them and look forward to the future with hope.

I had a helper during my Jeopardy online test.

Two Months

February 27, 2019 / / 0 Comments
I was so thankful that my beloved felt up to taking a hike in Upper Bidwell Park with me this week.

Two months ago today, I was in the emergency room with my husband, uncertain of the extent of his brain damage. The number 27 will always stick out in my head as I remember the shock and fear of that day. It was so easy to take it for granted that my husband would always be by my side, but finding him unconscious in a pool of blood on the floor brought that delusion to a screeching halt.

I wish I could say that everything has returned to exactly the way it was before his injury, but I can’t. Double vision plagues him every waking hour. He wears out much more easily. He hasn’t returned to a regular exercise routine. I hesitate to ask him to do much physical labor, concerned that I will fatigue him. We schedule our lives around appointments with specialists. We’re driving three hours away to see a neuro ophthalmologist next week.

Yet, life is richer than ever. I will never take him for granted again. We rejoice in the tiniest bits of progress. We spend rich time together. We appreciate and cherish one another more. We depend on God and one another more than ever to get through each day. We’ve learned the value of rest and patience.

I don’t know how much longer the aftermath of Darren’s accident will endure, but I trust in a faithful God who will carry us through it every step of the way.

Perseverance

February 11, 2019 / / 0 Comments

It’s now been over six weeks since my husband’s brain injury, and the word that keeps coming to my mind is perseverance. I wanted bring this word into great focus so I looked up the definition. Perseverance is defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary as continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition: steadfastness. My husband and I thought we had learned to persevere in the past, but we find that we still have so many lessons to learn in this area. We thought he would have been healed by now, but that hasn’t been the case.

I’ve really struggled to persevere day after day. I’m sad for my husband and want to make him feel better and “fix” the situation, but that’s beyond my control. I’m tempted to hide from my frustration behind electronics, extra sleep, and even getting angry, but none of those actions will help the situation. All I can do is keep praying, keep understanding, and keep loving my husband. I can’t let our circumstances paralyze me.

My husband’s vision is still double, and he still wears out easily, but I’m so impressed by his determination to get up every day and go to work even when he is tired and disheartened by the lack of improvement in his condition. He still looks for ways to bless me, even when he is going through physical turmoil. He is an example to me of great perseverance.

My husband and I are both runners, and one of my favorite Bible verses to reflect on while I run is Hebrews 12:1-3, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” When my eyes are on my circumstances, I am weary, but when my eyes are on Jesus, I want to continue the race of this life and this marriage, running straight towards Jesus, my perfect example.


It’s a Game of Give and Take

January 9, 2019 / / 0 Comments

I remember being a freshman in high school, wanting a boyfriend, and it just wasn’t happening. A song became popular that consoled me, Phil Collins’s “You Can’t Hurry Love.” It helped me wait for the right man to come along, which wasn’t for another five years, and the final line of the chorus continues to apply to my life, “It’s a game of give and take.”

It’s been nearly two weeks since I found my husband collapsed in the kitchen with his head cracked open. He still has double vision and fatigue. We’ve gone to doctor appointments, had extended periods of rest, and I’ve needed to care for his needs like never before in our marriage.

In the past, I have been the patient, and he has been the caregiver, but now these roles have reversed. It’s an adjustment for both of us, but it has taught us to appreciate one another so much. I will never take for granted all that he has sacrificed in caring for me while I have been sick. He’s learned the helplessness of being the sick one, wanting so much to recover according to his timetable instead of God’s. We are able to understand what the other is going through because of our own past experiences.

After nearly 29 years of marriage, I would have thought that we’d know everything there is to know about the subject. In these uncertain times, we are both learning a boatload of lessons of how to relate to one another and help one another as we go through a time that neither one of us expected to be enduring at this point in our lives. We don’t know what the obstacles are that we have ahead of us, but we are learning that they are best faced together.

A year after my hubby and I began dating, Phil Collins came out with another song that became one of our favorites. and part of its chorus applied way back then and still applies now, “Wouldn’t you agree, baby, you and me, have a groovy kind of love?”

The answer is a resounding yes, through all the highs and lows, bests and worsts, and give and take.

Conclusion to Advice I’d Give My Younger Self

October 31, 2018 / / 0 Comments

I can’t believe I was able to finish the 31 day challenge.  Life threatened to get in the way with birthdays, a surgery for my husband, out of town company, and multiple daily commitments, but I remained determined to see it through to the end.

The most important nugget I learned through the process is that I still have so much left to learn and do.  Every single piece of advice I gave to myself, I still need to follow today.  I still stumble daily as I try to incorporate each of these into my life.  That made me feel a bit defeated.

I also learned that the best years of my life are not all behind me.  I still have an amazing God to follow, a lot of people to encourage, a lot of milestones to achieve, a lot of places to go, and apparently a lot of lessons to learn.   I learned that there is so much joy and growth in the journey of life.  That left me feeling hopeful

Thank you for sticking with me through the 31 day challenge.  Let’s learn and grow together in the days to come.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up

October 29, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You easily get discouraged when life doesn’t progress as quickly as you would like it to.   You are tempted  to quit when life gets hard.  If you succumb to your temptation, you will never get anywhere.

In order to make progress in life, you must keep moving forward, even if your emotions are screaming at you to stop.  When you resolutely exercise your will over your feelings and continue to put one foot in front of the other through pain, hopelessness, frustration, and sadness, you will get closer to your goals.  If you stop, you will either stagnate in your life or even move backwards as you establish a poor track record.

Life is hard, but when you advance through the difficulties with your eyes on Jesus, you establish  momentum that is hard to stop.  Apply Newton’s first law of motion:  an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force.

Allow God to keep you going, and you will reap many benefits.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

You’re Not in Control

October 24, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You like to be the boss of your life and like to boss other people around as well.  You rush around like Rabbit from the Winnie the Pooh stories, throwing fits when people don’t do things the way you want them to.  It’s so much better to take a step back from your domineering ways.  The earlier that you learn you are not fully in control, the better.

I can tell you another story from your future to illustrate this fact.  In less than two years, you will be in the throes of hard labor with my first child, attempting to breathe right and do everything according to your meticulous birth plan, and what will happen in real life will look nothing like what you will spending plotting and planning. When you cry out to the nurse, “I feel so out of control,”  the nurse will look into my eyes and calmly reply, “Welcome to motherhood.”

Life rarely goes the way that we plan it will.  Don’t fret that you are not in control.  Instead, rely on God.  He’s the Only One who is truly in control.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Debt Isn’t Worth It

October 23, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

I know you feel special every time you receive a credit card offer, but don’t fall for their empty promises.  The immediate gratification of being able to get whatever you want whether you have the cash on hand to pay for it pales in comparison with the interest, fees, and extra charges you will be paying to make that happen.   More often than not, you aren’t even using the item you had to charge on your credit card by the time you’ve completely paid it off.  It’s important to have a credit card for emergencies and convenience, not to mention building your credit score but hold off on using it unless you know you can pay it off by the end of the month.

Once you have built up your credit score, you may be able to purchase a house someday.  This is a good investment and worth going into debt for, but refinance when the interest rates drop and try to pay off your mortgage early.  Only get a car loan if it is interest free, and you are easily able to make the payment each month.

I know I may sound like a killjoy, but you will thank me later!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Remember That You and Your Spouse Are on the Same Team

October 22, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Our wedding day, June 30, 1990

 Still in love 27 years later at our daughter’s wedding

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Younger Self,

You were a starry-eyed bride in 1990, looking forward to an amazing future with your groom.  You had no idea the joys and struggles to come in your marriage.   Many of the problems were caused by immaturity and poor attitudes on your part.  You often jump to the conclusion that your hubby isn’t on your side and you are at war with him.  You need to remember that you are one another’s biggest allies and moving towards the same objectives.

Each day, think of a way to bless him instead of a way to blame him.  Make sure you make him laugh every day.  Forgive him quickly.  Even when life is going at breakneck speed, stop to show him affection.  Complement him in front of others, especially your children.  Remember all the reasons you fell in love with him in the first place.

Marriage is a difficult undertaking, considering the differences between how men and women approach life, but it can be rewarding beyond your wildest dreams if you make the choice to be on the same team!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Great Joy Comes from Giving to Others

October 21, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

Common sense might tell you that getting is so much better than giving, but that is a lie.   Some of the best times you will experience in your life are when you are giving to others.  Try to reach beyond your selfish desires and seek to meet other people’s needs.  It doesn’t take much effort to brighten someone else’s day, yet it can mean so much.  Think of the simple gestures of kindness that people have extended toward you throughout the years and what a difference they’ve made in your life.

Each day gives you fresh opportunities to bring joy to others.  It can be as easy as a smile or encouraging word to a stranger or as involved as a yearlong commitment teaching every week.  Share the topics you are passionate about with others in creative ways.  Don’t expect repayment or even gratitude.

You can change the world by giving your resources, time, energy, and self, and your life will be far richer as a result.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

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