Category: New Experiences (Page 5 of 6)

An Uncertain Future

September 30, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 4 Comments

My husband and I married each other 27 years ago when he still had a year of college to go. We lived on just over $800 a month as he worked toward completing his degree in computer engineering. On the Friday before finals week, days after his 23rd birthday, he received a great job offer at a local company, which he promptly accepted. He worked hard, and they treated him well. As years working for the company turned into decades, we began to think that this may be the company he would work for until he retired. Over the years, the company went through a series of three buyouts. With each change came new procedures, less benefits, and more distance between upper management and the workers. It was frustrating for my husband, but he continued to work hard as a loyal employee. The salary, location, and job security fit in well with our family’s lifestyle.

Around noon on our last day of vacation a month ago, I received a text from a friend whose husband works with mine, “Hi, Julie. Have you heard any news today? Call me if you have. I just talked to my husband.” This immediately concerned me, but I wanted the two of us to enjoy our last day away so I texted her back, letting her know that we were out of the country and didn’t know anything. I watched my husband all afternoon for signs that he might know some information but didn’t want to bring up the subject. As we sat down to our final dinner of the trip, he said, “I have some news. The company is closing their west coast offices. If we don’t move to Florida, I won’t have a job after April.”

This news shocked and saddened us, causing us to contemplate our future. This job had been a major component of our lives longer than our children had! He had just celebrated 26 years with the company in May. We had just spent the week in high humidity and had agreed the day before that we would not thrive in a humid climate, so we quickly agreed that the move to Florida was not going to happen. This part of our lives was coming to an end, leaving us with dozens of questions and unknowns about the years to come.

We sat at that dinner table for well over an hour, talking about our next steps. We agreed to look at this change as an opportunity, not a catastrophe. It’s an opportunity for him to consider where he wants to spend his final years of work before retirement, an opportunity for me to emotionally support my husband more than ever, and an opportunity for us to grow in our relationship and in our faith in a God who keeps His promises.

I’m not going to lie. The last month has been rough. My husband has felt devalued by a company he devoted over half his life to serving, but I value him more than I ever have. We have no idea what our future looks like, where he’ll work, or how we’ll easily make it through the next months of an increasingly stressful, low morale work environment for him, but we do know that we will place our trust in God and continue to point one another to Him whenever concerns overwhelm us.

Pushing Past My Fears

September 27, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 3 Comments

I think I was born scared. My parents told me stories of my terror at my first Independence Day fireworks when I was less than 7 months old. I remember hiding under a blanket when the theme song to “I Dream of Jeannie” blared through the television, dreading the moment that the animated genie was sucked into the bottle. I was hesitant to ride a bike, jump in a pool, or call anyone on the phone. As I entered adolescence, I became preoccupied with my fear of other people’s opinions of me.

I let each fear and concern hold me back from taking risks or enjoying new activities. Then I became a mom. I delighted in my children’s new experiences and marveled at their bravery as they stepped into the unknown with more faith than fear.

As my children left the nest, I made the choice to push past fears. Instead of worrying what others thought or the worst case scenario, I would let my yes supersede my no. I had to remind myself that the chances of a mishap were small and that mishaps occurred even in everyday life. Sometimes I’d tremble and be close to tears but I’ve now driven an ATV, gone on a Segway tour, participated in 4 half marathons, rappelled into an underground cave, and zip lined. I have no idea what God has in store, but I plan to follow him boldly!

Back to School

August 17, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

I loved it from the moment I laid eyes on each building, path, bridge, garden, and pathway 30 years ago this summer. I was a 19-year-old transfer student, eager to embrace a new life at California State University, Chico, located three hours away from home. My mother did not share my enthusiasm as she peered into my first dorm room, muttering, “It looks like a prison.” Within a few days of moving in, I noticed a handsome dark-haired resident as I sorted mail at the front desk. Less than three years later, I married him. During my college years, I determined my values and morals, stretched myself as an adult, developed friendships that are still influential in my life, made some of my favorite memories in my life, and received a fabulous education.

My husband and I were lucky enough to settle in the same city where we attended university and raised our children only a couple miles away from the rose garden where we first kissed. We took our children to see performances at the auditorium on campus. We strolled through the campus with them from an early age. When it came time for them to determine where to attend college, their choice of majors and preferences in size and extracurricular activities also led them both to choose Chico State for their undergraduate degrees as well. They attended lectures in the buildings where we once studied. They met their closest companions. They thrived in their chosen career paths. While they attended, I became a member of the Parent Advisory Council, volunteering at many events. I beamed with pride on their graduation day in 2014, watching them cross the same stage their father and I had crossed to receive our degrees in 1990 and 1991.

I continued my involvement in the Parent Advisory Council after they graduated. Today it was my privilege to assist parents today as they moved their children in to the residence halls. I answered questions, consoled, gave advice, directed them to the right places, gave them swag, and sometimes handed them Kleenex as their emotions came bubbling to the surface. It was so fun to relive memories as I walked around the campus I love so much.

I have learned great practical tips that I observed from my experience as student, parent, community member, and volunteer, some by dismal failures I have made and some by observing others. Here’s some of my favorite:

Try to get all your shopping done at Target or Walmart before you arrive. These stores are a madhouse during move-in weeks.
Assemble a small toolkit for your child with a hammer, pliers, a screwdriver, duct tape, and hanging hooks.
Prepare to expand your flexibility and patience. If you start to lose your cool, your child’s final thoughts of you before you leave won’t be positive ones.
Make sure you pack lots of snacks.
Don’t overstay your welcome. Show your support, get them moved in, take them out for something to eat, then say your goodbyes.
Rest in a job well done. We raise them to leave the nest and soar!

She’s Married!

August 15, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Abigail and Joseph, picture by Katelyn Owens photography

I awoke on July 8 with the weight of the world on my shoulders yet great anticipation. Today would be one of the biggest day of our lives as we celebrated our daughter entering into married life. My daughter told me that all she asked is that I would not be sick or stressed on this momentous day. I took comfort in my usual morning routines of a quiet time with Jesus, some brain games, and a quick breakfast with my vitamins before preparing myself to go to the church. I loaded up the car with last minute supplies and prayed with my husband before I headed over to the venue across town.

Abbie had a detailed schedule of the day for all of the people involved in the wedding, and the schedule told me to arrive at 10:30am for hair and makeup. I am not a girly-girl by any stretch of the imagination but had researched hairstyles that complement my hair length and color. Lexie, our amazing hair stylist and one of Abbie’s childhood friends, worked wonders on my hair. Likewise, another one of Abbie’s childhood friends, Emily, brought out features in my face that I didn’t even know existed. We had many hours of preparation and relaxation before the ceremony.

The entire day passed by in a joyful blur of love, music, smiles, laughter, pride, tears, activity, embraces, pictures, fun, reunions, dancing, waiting, celebrating, and waving goodbye. I had asked my friends to pray that the triple digit temperatures would miraculously decrease, thinking that would ensure the day’s “success.” God taught me a valuable lesson by not lowering the temperatures but lowering all stress and tension instead.

For any mothers anticipating their daughter’s weddings, I have some tips of what worked well for us.

If financially possible, get a hotel room for the bride and her closest bridesmaids the night or two before the wedding. This gives them independence and a last chance for bonding and gives you much needed peace and rest.
Bring a wireless speaker to the room where the bride is getting ready and play her favorite Pandora station. Music can soothe nerves and promote joy. My daughter’s request was the John Mayer station.
Order deli trays from the local supermarket to have in the bride’s and groom’s dressing rooms around lunchtime if the ceremony isn’t until mid to late afternoon. If a friend offers to help, have them pick up the deli trays and even split them between the bride’s and groom’s rooms.
Bring a small assortment of childhood toys to the dressing room if there are children in the ceremony. We had Legos and Fisher Price toys, and they were not only beneficial to the flower girl and ring bearer but also to the children of the pastor and worship leaders, not to mention some of the adults with a childlike heart. My husband and I had so much fun playing with 3 delightful little girls during the sound check, and we found that it relaxed us and reminded us of precious time spent playing with our daughter.
Take fun and candid pictures during the day, but don’t get in the way of the official photographer.
Don’t insist on your own way. This is your daughter’s wedding. Being right isn’t worth more than your relationship with your daughter.
Enjoy yourself! This is a great day where you get to see many people you love. Let them know what they mean to you and how honored you are that they are in attendance.
Stand back and observe the precious moments of the day, and tuck those memories into your heart for days when you are missing your little girl.
With much love from the father and mother of the bride!

Confessions from the MOB

June 29, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

No, I haven’t joined organized crime. No, I am not part of an angry crowd. In nine short days, my only daughter is getting married, and I will be the Mother of the Bride.

Here are some observations I have about this time:

My emotions are constantly whirling…One minute I am so excited for the wedding and my daughter’s marriage and the next minute I can’t hold back the tears.

I really like hanging out with my daughter.

There are more expenses and decisions than I ever anticipated.

I can’t please all people at all times.

Planning can be a lot of fun.

I’m far more preoccupied with what I wear and how I will look than I thought I’d be.

Some of my suggestions are spot on, and some are really out of touch with the 21st century bride.

It’s not my wedding.

My daughter is going to be joined to someone else instead of us. Her name and address will change.

We do not need everything the bridal magazines suggest in order to get them married.

I have no control over the weather for the wedding.

Communication is key, and encouragement is vital.

It’s impossible to invite everyone that has been a part of Abbie and Joe’s lives.

I really miss my mom and wish I would have asked her all her secrets about wedding planning.

My hubby is a very sweet daddy when it comes to his little girl.

I really want to have a great time at this wedding.

I don’t know how I’m going to keep from crying on her big day.

I still think of Abbie as a little girl, but she has grown up to be an amazing and capable woman.

I’m really going to miss her.

It’s not about me.

A Different Kind of Easter

April 17, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 0 Comments

Our children up at Grandma Lu’s house on Easter, 1996.

It’s Easter afternoon, and just my husband and I are home. We did not have an egg hunt or a make your own pizza party as we have in years past. We gave the kids and significant others their Easter gifts in reusable bags on Tuesday when we met for lunch. We’ve napped on and off this afternoon. I am just beginning to smell a delicious glazed ham baking in the oven. It has been such a peaceful day, focusing on why we celebrate this holiday.

It may seem odd that we aren’t spending it with our children. For the first Easter in her life, our daughter does not live in the same town as we do. She and her fiance are involved in church activities, and school resumes after Spring Break tomorrow. They have enough going on in their lives without insistent parents demanding that they come up to visit for the second time in a week. Our son does live in town, but he is involved at his church and is a staff member in a college ministry. His day was busy, and hanging out with mom, dad, and the pets in his childhood home isn’t the most exciting way to spend Easter.

We could have driven the 90 miles up to my in-laws’ house in the rain, but my husband had a busy morning helping with children’s ministry at church. He ran sixteen miles yesterday, and I ran ten. Our bodies are tired. It feels so good to rest. Monday morning will start with a bang in just over 14 hours, and we are finding that our weeks run so much more smoothly if we have taken the time to fully decompress and prepare for the coming weeks on the weekends.

We do look forward to many special times spent with our children and the families they will create, but we have learned to choose our battles in parenting. whether our children are three years old or 23 years old. We treasure the memories we have of all the Easters we have spent together, but for today, it feels wonderful to put our feet up, savor the silence, and thank God for sending His Son to pay the penalty for our sins and triumph over death. Happy Resurrection Day to each of you, however you celebrate it!

Sundays at 10

April 9, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 5 Comments

The last picture of my father and I, February, 2015

I had an appointment every Sunday morning for well over a decade that I seldom missed. I kept this appointment in airports, car rides, hotels, and outdoors, but I usually was at home. As the clock displayed 9:59, I would make myself comfortable and dial a Kansas phone number with my father’s words about curfew when I was a teenager reverberating through my head, “When I say 10 o’clock, I don’t mean 10:01. That’s not good enough!” As soon as the clock struck 10, I would connect the call and hear my father’s booming voice on the other end. Our Sunday telephone calls would last up to two hours as we discussed everything under the sun from gas prices to family life to health issues to Shark Tank, one of his favorite television shows. We never failed to tell one another that we loved each other before we completed the call.

My father was a good and brilliant man, but he was not easy to please. One of his favorite sayings was, “Be reasonable. Do it my way!” and one of his favorite books was “Winning through Intimidation.” He was emotional and passionate bout many things, such as real estate lending, his dog, saving money, and his family. I was the youngest of his two daughters, and by the time I was born, my parents’ marriage was already disintegrating. My mother and sister were extremely close, so Dad would often spend extra time with me. We bonded over reading the newspaper and taking tandem bike rides. He moved out when I was 6 years old and remarried when I was 7. Over the course of the next 10 years, he moved to three different states. I would spend summers and every other Christmas with him. I came to live with him and my stepmom, Marsha, for my last three years of high school. I really got to know him better during those years. By the time I graduated, Dad had already moved from Ohio to Arkansas and he and Marsha were divorcing, so I came back to California.

We never lived closer than 2000 miles apart for the next 27 years. We would visit him, and he would visit us, and we always had our Sunday morning chats. It was the perfect way to stay connected and current with him. In March of 2004, he called during the week, which was quite abnormal. The news he shared was urgent and devastating. He’d just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma, cancer of the blood plasma. Over the next 11 years, he fought the cancer hard with chemotherapy, stem cell transplants, and frequent discussions with his doctor. His final year was very hard on both of us. He fell many times and needed to be placed in skilled nursing care as his body weakened. My phone calls became more frequent. My husband and I flew out to visit him in February of 2015. He still believed than someday, he would be released from skilled nursing care back to his own home and resume living independently. By the end of our visit, he came to the sad realization that he would never drive or live on his own again. He chose to receive hospice care shortly after we returned to California. I called him almost every day after that just to check up on him and hear his voice. The last time I called, his voice was so weak that I could barely understand him.

Two years ago today, as I was driving across town on a busy day, I received a phone call from a hospice nurse. My heart sank as she asked me to pull my car into the nearest parking lot. I asked her in a whisper as I was pulling my Camry into a Starbucks, “Is he dead?” and she confirmed my suspicions. She reassured me that his passing was a peaceful one, and he was now free of the pain that had plagued him for over a decade. I never thought that day would come, and when it did, I felt lost.

Two years later, I still feel lost. Being an orphan sucks, to be gut level honest! I wish I could have one more phone call or visit with Dad to let him know that I love him and miss him. My world will never be the same, especially on Sundays at 10….

Celebrating the Empty Nest

March 24, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 3 Comments

Almost everything I have read while anticipating and newly experiencing the empty nest defined it in negative terms. When Googling the empty nest, words surrounding it include syndrome, coping, grief, depression, loneliness, loss of purpose, worry, and stress. It sounded horrible and something to be avoided at all costs. I briefly debated between never allowing my children to leave and bracing myself for the onslaught of this dreaded affliction, but I knew I would be stifling my children if I didn’t allow them to experience the independence that they were designed to attain. The fact that children have the confidence and knowledge to move beyond the four walls of their childhood home is a testament to our success as parents.

I have found the empty nest to be a time of joy, freedom, and celebration. I am not lying awake, listening for the key in the front door in the wee hours of the morning. The clutter and laundry only belongs to my husband and I. When we get together with our children, it is because they want and choose to spend time with us. We love hearing tales of their new adult lives, and we have new tales to tell them as well. We have the freedom to travel without much forethought about logistics surrounding the children. We no longer have bathroom wars over anyone taking too long or leaving it in poor condition. My husband and I enjoy each other and the extra space.

While we will always miss our children and treasure the memories of the years they were under our roof, it’s time to take an optimistic look at a job well done in raising our children to successfully fly away from the nest.

Those Dates that Stick Out in your Mind

March 24, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 2 Comments

David grew as tall as his father about the time he obtained his driver’s license.

As soon as I wrote the date this morning, I scratched my head, trying to recollect why this date stuck out to me so much… I know that March 23 is my paternal grandfather’s birthday, but he passed away when I was four years old, so that didn’t explain the draw. Then Facebook reminded me that eight years ago on this date, my firstborn obtained his driver’s license.

I remember the grin on his face after his successful exam, as if he could do anything in the world. I was so proud of him, yet I hoped that it wouldn’t mean that he felt that he outgrew his need for us.

This piece of paper or the date, March 23, 2009, may not seem like that big of a deal to most people, but it represents the beginning of my children’s independence. David no longer had to ask me for rides in the trusty family van, and he could give his sister rides where she needed to go. I missed the conversations we would have while driving places, but I confess it was so helpful to have an enthusiastic and capable substitute when I couldn’t drive or didn’t want to. It was also the beginning of my independence.

Each time that he pulled out of the driveway, I would marvel that my boy was old enough to drive and say a silent prayer for his safety. Eight years later, I still marvel…and I still pray.

What are the dates that stick out in your mind?

I Don’t Feel Old Enough

March 14, 2017 / juliesc@pacbell.net / 7 Comments

Tomorrow I am going to drive myself down to Winters to the childhood home of my daughter’s fiance, Joe, to spend the day with Joe’s mom for her birthday. We plan to go out to lunch and try on dresses for our children’s wedding coming up in July. After we finish our fun day together, I will drop her off then drive over to my daughter’s house to spend the night with her. All of it sounds very wonderful, and I’m really looking forward to it.

Then what could be the problem?

Although my outward appearance proves otherwise, inside I barely feel old enough to be married, let alone old enough to have a daughter getting married. I’m not one of those women who normally does the whole “lunch and shopping” kind of day, yet I know that this will bring Joe’s mom and I closer together and help us get ready for this wedding. I am still surprised I am considered grown up enough to be out on my own, yet my 23-year old daughter is living in a different town, successfully navigating her way through her first year of teaching. I still feel so young and uncertain inside, much like a young teenager.

But in a few short months, I will be celebrating my 50th birthday! The wrinkles congregating in the corners of my eyes and my cracking knees testify to this fact.

I’m wondering when I will ever feel fully grown up in my heart of hearts. When will I have the confidence to believe that I am really an adult?