Empty Nest, Abundant Life

Nag Less, Pray More

Category: New Lessons I am Learning (Page 5 of 10)

Don’t Let Fear Hold You Back

October 3, 2018 / / 3 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You already know what a stronghold fear has in your life.  You’ve lost count of how many opportunities you’ve missed because you were too scared to try something new.   Your life will be so much richer and better if you summon up the courage to venture into the unknown.  Push past the fear and take risks.

Fear is a process of the thoughts you create.  Most fear is completely irrational, based on what could happen but never will.    I’ve now seen fear defined this way:

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

With each new experience you successfully endeavor, you will gain courage.  You will become a more interesting person.  You will go further than you ever thought possible.

So, when you are presented with adventure to attempt, don’t immediately talk yourself out of it, giving yourself reasons why it’s too risky or not a good idea.  I’m not saying to throw all wisdom out the door, but I am telling you that facing your fears will cause you to grow so much more as a person.  Listen to that new Nike catchphrase that just came out and “Just do it!”

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

God is good, God is bigger, and God is faithful.

October 2, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

You will be going through so much in the next three decades and beyond, but these ten words can get you through both the best and the worst days:

They are a form of worship and trust in a God who always keeps His promises.   They are words you can hang onto with your fingertips as you feel yourself slipping down a difficult metaphorical cliff.  They bring hope to any situation.  They give credit to the One who deserves all glory, honor, and praise.

All three of these phrases are always true:

God is good

Everything God does is flawless and is meant to bless us, grow us, and/or transform us.  This doesn’t mean that everything you go through will always feel good, but you can trust that God Himself is always good.  When you are going through tough experiences, you can be confident that God is at work in your life and wouldn’t have you going through it if it wasn’t for your greater good.

God is bigger

Nothing exists that outranks, outsizes, outwits, outlasts, or outplays God.  God is all-powerful and so much higher than we can ever think or imagine.   His ways are so much higher than our ways, and His thoughts are so much higher than our thoughts as proclaimed in Isaiah 55:9,  “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

God is faithful

God wants relationship with you.    He is constantly at work to bring you closer to Himself because He loves you so very much.  He will never give up on you.  Even when you might feel forsaken, the truth is that He is right there with you.  He is a promise-keeper, and you can depend on Him in every situation.  You can never go the wrong way if you are following Him.

Younger self, if I told you all the joys and trials you will go through in your life, I doubt you’d believe me.  That doesn’t matter.  God is what matters, and He is always good, always bigger, and always faithful!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

 

 

Introduction to 29 Pieces of Advice to my Younger Self

October 1, 2018 / / 0 Comments

22-year-old me on my wedding day in 1990

50-year-old me on my son’s wedding day in 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought I knew it all as a young adult, but I had so much to learn that could only be taught through personal experience.   As I gaze at the the first photo of myself as a naive, idealistic girl barely out of her teens, I want to warn her, encourage her, cheer for her, shed tears for her, and laugh with her because I know all the joys and trials she will be facing in the years to come.  I also know that I still need to remind myself of what’s important to me and follow my own advice.  This is the final official Write 31 Days challenge, so even though life is extra-full right now, I couldn’t resist participating.   Laugh, cry, and explore with me for the next thirty posts as I ponder the essential elements of Advice to my Younger Self.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Fighting Loneliness

September 10, 2018 / / 0 Comments

The silence reverberating through the house overshadows the memories of my boisterous children and their friends.

The time and energy I once spent daily on my children has diminished, and I wonder what to do with myself.

My arms which were once full of babies, groceries, and laundry are emptier now.

These are  the most common maladies among parents whose children have recently moved away from home.   Is there a cure for this dreaded disease?

On some of my darker and more hormonal days, I would argue that no cure exists, but, as time goes on, I am learning some ways to cope with the loneliness.  Here are some tips that have helped me go through the transition

  1.  Don’t isolate yourself!  Make it a goal every day to text, call, or get together with someone, even if you are an introvert.  You’ll find that many are as lonely as you are and would love to get together.  Look for groups in your area of others in similar situations.  I joined a group on Facebook of people from my town over 40, and they schedule multiple outings a month.
  2. Explore a new skill or topic you’ve always wanted to learn but didn’t have the presence of mind to master when my son and daughter lived at home.  I practice every day in hopes of finally becoming fluent in Spanish.  This also widens the scope of friends I can have.  I am also learning to crochet.  I participated in my first community theater production when I was in my mid 40s.
  3. Volunteer.  Opportunities exist everywhere to give back to the community, so look for one (or more) that will be a great fit for you.  On a weekly basis, I volunteer by visiting widows, running a mothering group, teaching preschoolers about the Bible, reading one-on-one with disadvantaged elementary school children,  and working at the sign-in desk for the preschoolers and kindergartners at church.  I receive far more hugs now from all these different people than I did when my kids were home.
  4. Start a new exercise routine.  You may meet new people, feel better, lose weight, and release endorphins all at the same time.
  5. Press into God.  I developed a deeper love for God and His Word once my children left home.  I realized that God would never leave me, and He was never too busy for relationship.  I could now enjoy uninterrupted time with Him.

What are some of your favorite tips for fighting loneliness?

Summer’s End

August 31, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Image result for stock photo backpack autumn

The calendar proclaims that three weeks remain until summer’s end, but the dark and chilly evenings tell me a different story. Summer has always been my favorite season, and part of me wants to hold on to the warm lack of structure that June, July, and August bring.  Every week was different during the summer.  Starting next week, my calendar fills back up with my regular activities.   I know what to expect each day, and I find comfort in that.

August used to bring a flurry of preparations for homeschooling my children, but now those children have graduated from college and are both married.  I still love to wander the back to school aisles at Target, looking at all the supplies and stocking up on any clearance items that would make life easier at the Clark house.  It feels wonderful when Darren or one of the kids needs a particular item at the last minute, and I can quickly give it to them, having purchased it at a fraction of the regular price.

Fall brings new beginnings for each member of the family, which in turn gives us new stories to tell one another.  My husband began a new career path at the local elementary school a few weeks ago.  My daughter began her third year of teaching a Special Day Class for 12 children with special needs earlier this month.  Lat week, my son began his fifth fall outreach at the local university since he went on staff with Christian Challenge.  They all have exciting and different experiences to share.

I know that in 8 months, I will be excited for the return of summer, but today I will rejoice that it’s summer’s end.

What is your favorite season, and why?

 

Getting Unstuck

August 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

My cat, Milo, often squeezes himself into strange places where he cannot easily escape.  This picture shows one of his favorite attention-getting locations, behind my monitor on my desktop computer.  He peeks out often, and I will occasionally see his orange paw extended toward me.  Retreating from this strange position is more difficult than he thought.

I can relate to Milo’s problem.  I often mentally get myself stuck.  I allow circumstances, excuses, and fear to keep me in my precarious position, unable to move on.  This is how I’ve felt about blogging lately.   I can’t argue with the fact that my summer has been packed with my son’s wedding, a job change for my husband, working at two Vacation Bible Schools, a summer trip, dealing with my husband’s unexpected health issues and truck accident, regular scheduled activities, keeping up with the house, and family life, but I certainly had the time to write.   I can’t let my fears of how others will perceive my words hold me back either, but that’s been the case these past couple of months.

Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been reading an excellent book aloud to my friends, Gail and Pat, when we get together each Monday to encourage one another.  The book, Get Unstuck, Be Unstoppable by Valorie Burton, has given us many tips to apply and many topics to discuss.  Her 8 irrefutable rules of getting unstuck are: 1. You can’t move forward when you’re still looking backward, 2.  Meditating on the obstacle only makes it bigger, 3. Emotions are teachers, 4. Inspiration won’t chase you down, 5. You can’t control which thoughts show up, but you can control which ones you entertain, 6. Your words are tools, 7. What is central to your life controls your life, and 8. To be unstoppable, you must master this moment.

Now is the time to put those rules into action and get back to blogging on a regular basis.   I need to take the next step and get words typed out and published.   I am committing now to publish at least 10 new blog posts in the next month, and I ask you to keep me accountable.

Where are you stuck in your life, and what are you going to do to get unstuck?

 

The Phone Call

June 4, 2018 / / 0 Comments

We’ve all the had those moments when the phone rings with news that changes our world…

I had the house to myself and was relishing the quiet one Thursday evening when our home phone rang,  jarring me from my peaceful reverie and sending my thoughts into instant high-gear.  The home phone seldom rings in this cellular age, but when it does, it’s either a telemarketer or bad news from afar.  My husband was assisting at the local community theater where he serves on the board, and I had recently talked to my daughter, who could practically taste her approaching Spring Break from her demanding teaching position.  The wild card was my 25-year-old son, David.  He was at a Spring Break conference with  a group of close to 100 university students at Hume Lake Christian Camp and had been out of cell range since the previous Sunday.   My heart pounded as I observed that the incoming phone call was from the camp’s main telephone number, the one used only for emergencies.

I braced myself as I answered, expecting to hear a somber voice informing me of a injury, but was surprised to hear David’s voice on the other end, and he sounded downright…giddy.  He’d never sounded this excited on the phone before and I understood the reason as the words came spilling out, “Mom, this afternoon I asked Mariana to marry me, and she said, ‘Yes!’  Tears sprang to my eyes as we rejoiced together.  It would be a short engagement, less than 4 months, so they could get married before another year of college ministry began, so we immediately started making plans.

As I hung up the phone, I reflected back to the day I first held him in my arms, so tiny and helpless.   He’s grown up to be a strong and admirable man, and I can’t wait to watch as he becomes a wonderful husband to Mariana.

 

Don’t Give Up!

March 2, 2018 / / 0 Comments

It’s so easy to become discouraged when life does not progress according to our timetable.   We live in an instant world that expects instant gratification.   When we don’t see results, we want to stop.

I have been on a weight loss journey for the past two and a half years.  At first, the weight came off quickly with not too much effort.  I have gradually increased my exercise time and protein and water intake while reducing my sugar, fats, and carbohydrates.   As time has progressed, the weight loss has slowed even though I have stayed true to a healthy lifestyle.  Now I am at a plateau that seems to be transforming into a mountain.   When I ran into this obstacle in my 20s and 30s, I gave up my healthy habits and consoled myself with chocolate.  I am determined to change my ways and dig in my heels in the difficulty.

Even though I may not see instant results, I will “keep on keeping on.”  I will continue to pull on my running tights even when they fit a bit more snug.  I will continue to lift weights instead of keeping my hand in the candy bowl and my body on the couch.    I will see setbacks as opportunities  to develop my character and strength.  And I will continue to place one foot in front of the other.

 

The Perfect Amount of Busyness

February 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

This week marks seven years since my firstborn left the nest.  You would have thought that I’d have everything about the empty nest figured out by now, but I’m not even close.  My main challenge is making my life as purposeful as possible now that the children are no longer underfoot without overstuffing my life with unnecessary activity or causing myself to be unavailable during the times when my family needs me.

Each day we are given a gift of 1,440 minutes to spend however we choose.  Much of the time is spent on the “necessities” of sleeping, eating, and working, but we still have more time than we care to admit to use at our discretion.  What determines which activities are worth our time and which are a waste of it?

If I want my contributions to society to outlive me, I can’t spend days on end watching Netflix on the couch, but I do think “decompression” time is an essential component to life.  My husband comes home for lunch every day, so I try to work my schedule around that time so we can enjoy some time together when we’re not rushing out the door or weary from the effects of the entire day.  I am strongest physically in the morning hours, so I give those hours to my busiest tasks, those ones that take me out of the home.   In this season, my weekday mornings consist of the following: Mondays, I meet three moms for a brisk walk then do a Bible Study with a widow in our church; Tuesdays are Bible Study Fellowship leaders meeting and a couple of errands, Wednesday are teaching up to 13 preschoolers at Bible Study Fellowship, Thursdays are meeting 10 friends at a coffee shop to discuss and point one another to Jesus then visiting a friend’s widowed mother, and Fridays are either leading a meeting for moms or attending a planning session for these meetings.  My afternoons are used more for relationships, preparations for my morning pursuits, organization, appointments, or doing activities that cannot be completed in the morning.  Evenings are reserved for family.

Tomorrow is not assured so I want to fall asleep each night comfortable in the fact that I invested my time wisely.

What do you think are the best uses of time?

 

 

 

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