Empty Nest, Abundant Life

Nag Less, Pray More

Category: Practical Tips (Page 1 of 2)

Debt Isn’t Worth It

October 23, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

I know you feel special every time you receive a credit card offer, but don’t fall for their empty promises.  The immediate gratification of being able to get whatever you want whether you have the cash on hand to pay for it pales in comparison with the interest, fees, and extra charges you will be paying to make that happen.   More often than not, you aren’t even using the item you had to charge on your credit card by the time you’ve completely paid it off.  It’s important to have a credit card for emergencies and convenience, not to mention building your credit score but hold off on using it unless you know you can pay it off by the end of the month.

Once you have built up your credit score, you may be able to purchase a house someday.  This is a good investment and worth going into debt for, but refinance when the interest rates drop and try to pay off your mortgage early.  Only get a car loan if it is interest free, and you are easily able to make the payment each month.

I know I may sound like a killjoy, but you will thank me later!

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Keep the faith, even when you can’t see what’s around the corner

October 15, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Photo courtesy of Heidi Louber from one of her incredible long-distance hikes!

Dear Younger Self,

Sometimes it’s hard to keep going when you have no idea what’s coming up next.  You tend to imagine the worst case scenario and let the doom and gloom hold you back from taking the next step.  This is where faith comes into play.  You need to rely on your mighty God who will never leave you or forsake you for every move you make, especially the difficult and new ones.

I love the Martin Luther King Jr. quote, “Faith is taking the first step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”  If you stay at the bottom, just staring up at the top, without taking action, you will never get where you are going.

Another friend you haven’t met yet, Carol, has a daughter who has hiked some of the toughest trails in the world and took the attached the following quote to the above picture from one of her hikes,  “Keep the faith, even when you can’t see what’s around the corner.”

If you turn back in hesitation, you’ll miss the amazing view and adventure awaiting you.   You’ll never regret moving forth in faith!

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Gratitude can help you get through anything

October 6, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Younger Self,

The temptation is so strong to focus on what is lacking in our lives instead of what is abundant in our lives.  It’s so easy to think about what we want to acquire, achieve, or change instead of express thankfulness for each blessing in our life.

Make it a game to see how many things you can express gratitude for each day.  From the first smell of coffee in the morning to your comfortable pillow at night, you can find objects, situations, feelings, relationships, and experiences that cause you to express gratefulness.  The more you notice and thank God for all you have, the stronger your “gratitude muscle” will become.

Your “gratitude muscle” will be especially needed on dark days, when finding things to be grateful for will take more effort and creativity.  When you choose to focus on all the gratitude-worthy parts of your life, your mood lightens and you realize just how blessed you really are!

 

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

 

Introduction to 29 Pieces of Advice to my Younger Self

October 1, 2018 / / 0 Comments

22-year-old me on my wedding day in 1990

50-year-old me on my son’s wedding day in 2018

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought I knew it all as a young adult, but I had so much to learn that could only be taught through personal experience.   As I gaze at the the first photo of myself as a naive, idealistic girl barely out of her teens, I want to warn her, encourage her, cheer for her, shed tears for her, and laugh with her because I know all the joys and trials she will be facing in the years to come.  I also know that I still need to remind myself of what’s important to me and follow my own advice.  This is the final official Write 31 Days challenge, so even though life is extra-full right now, I couldn’t resist participating.   Laugh, cry, and explore with me for the next thirty posts as I ponder the essential elements of Advice to my Younger Self.

This post is part of a  31 Day Blogging Challenge entitled Advice to my Younger Self.  Please click here  to find all the posts in this series.  You’ll be glad you did!

Fighting Loneliness

September 10, 2018 / / 0 Comments

The silence reverberating through the house overshadows the memories of my boisterous children and their friends.

The time and energy I once spent daily on my children has diminished, and I wonder what to do with myself.

My arms which were once full of babies, groceries, and laundry are emptier now.

These are  the most common maladies among parents whose children have recently moved away from home.   Is there a cure for this dreaded disease?

On some of my darker and more hormonal days, I would argue that no cure exists, but, as time goes on, I am learning some ways to cope with the loneliness.  Here are some tips that have helped me go through the transition

  1.  Don’t isolate yourself!  Make it a goal every day to text, call, or get together with someone, even if you are an introvert.  You’ll find that many are as lonely as you are and would love to get together.  Look for groups in your area of others in similar situations.  I joined a group on Facebook of people from my town over 40, and they schedule multiple outings a month.
  2. Explore a new skill or topic you’ve always wanted to learn but didn’t have the presence of mind to master when my son and daughter lived at home.  I practice every day in hopes of finally becoming fluent in Spanish.  This also widens the scope of friends I can have.  I am also learning to crochet.  I participated in my first community theater production when I was in my mid 40s.
  3. Volunteer.  Opportunities exist everywhere to give back to the community, so look for one (or more) that will be a great fit for you.  On a weekly basis, I volunteer by visiting widows, running a mothering group, teaching preschoolers about the Bible, reading one-on-one with disadvantaged elementary school children,  and working at the sign-in desk for the preschoolers and kindergartners at church.  I receive far more hugs now from all these different people than I did when my kids were home.
  4. Start a new exercise routine.  You may meet new people, feel better, lose weight, and release endorphins all at the same time.
  5. Press into God.  I developed a deeper love for God and His Word once my children left home.  I realized that God would never leave me, and He was never too busy for relationship.  I could now enjoy uninterrupted time with Him.

What are some of your favorite tips for fighting loneliness?

The Perfect Amount of Busyness

February 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

This week marks seven years since my firstborn left the nest.  You would have thought that I’d have everything about the empty nest figured out by now, but I’m not even close.  My main challenge is making my life as purposeful as possible now that the children are no longer underfoot without overstuffing my life with unnecessary activity or causing myself to be unavailable during the times when my family needs me.

Each day we are given a gift of 1,440 minutes to spend however we choose.  Much of the time is spent on the “necessities” of sleeping, eating, and working, but we still have more time than we care to admit to use at our discretion.  What determines which activities are worth our time and which are a waste of it?

If I want my contributions to society to outlive me, I can’t spend days on end watching Netflix on the couch, but I do think “decompression” time is an essential component to life.  My husband comes home for lunch every day, so I try to work my schedule around that time so we can enjoy some time together when we’re not rushing out the door or weary from the effects of the entire day.  I am strongest physically in the morning hours, so I give those hours to my busiest tasks, those ones that take me out of the home.   In this season, my weekday mornings consist of the following: Mondays, I meet three moms for a brisk walk then do a Bible Study with a widow in our church; Tuesdays are Bible Study Fellowship leaders meeting and a couple of errands, Wednesday are teaching up to 13 preschoolers at Bible Study Fellowship, Thursdays are meeting 10 friends at a coffee shop to discuss and point one another to Jesus then visiting a friend’s widowed mother, and Fridays are either leading a meeting for moms or attending a planning session for these meetings.  My afternoons are used more for relationships, preparations for my morning pursuits, organization, appointments, or doing activities that cannot be completed in the morning.  Evenings are reserved for family.

Tomorrow is not assured so I want to fall asleep each night comfortable in the fact that I invested my time wisely.

What do you think are the best uses of time?

 

 

 

A Retreat for One

January 29, 2018 / / 0 Comments

It’s hard to believe that we’ve already reached the final days of January.   One month ago today, I left home for hours to go on my 2nd annual one-woman, one-afternoon retreat.   I do it on the last Friday afternoon of the year, but you can anytime you have at least three hours in a row and enough energy to do some deep thinking.

In the past, when I thought of retreats, I imagined driving with a van full of ladies to a rustic setting in the mountains for a weekend of fun, worship, and teaching.   I have been to many retreats like this, and they required preregistration, paying around $100, packing, picking just the right time to ask my husband if he could watch the kids, and gearing up my introverted self for a lot of “together” time.   Don’t get me wrong;  I have enjoyed, learned from, made great memories, and even taught at some of these experiences, but I was looking for something different.

In December of 2016, I listened to a podcast by one of my favorite nonfiction authors, Sally Clarkson.  She explained the benefits of getting away alone for a yearly reflection.  She also referred to materials from an author whose name I had never heard before, Lara Casey.  I went to both Sally and Lara’s websites and read all they had to say about this event,  put their suggestions into two Microsoft Word documents, and made plans to take my retreat at ….. Starbucks.   Much less money and planning!

I took the following things with me:

  1. My Bible
  2. A ton of notebook paper in a folder
  3. An assortment of brightly colored pens
  4. Inspirational stickers
  5. Highlighters
  6. Posterboard
  7. A Sharpie
  8. Kleenex

I found myself experiencing the entire spectrum of emotions as I sat nestled in a booth sipping on my mocha, thinking about all the wonderful events of the past year and setting goals for the following one.  Because I was alone, I could think objectively about my marriage, my children, and my own life, evaluating the good, the bad, and the ugly, and praying how to work on the difficulties.  I came home refreshed and ready to implement my plans.

Do I achieve every goal I set?  Definitely not, but I like having a direction I am choosing to travel in my life and page after page written in my own handwriting.  I would highly recommend this activity to you and can’t wait to see what God shows you about your life!

What in the World is a Vision Board?

January 12, 2018 / / 0 Comments

I resisted creating a vision board for many years, giving random excuses like, “I’m not artistic,”  “That’s too trendy for me,”   and “I have no idea how to start!”   An email at the end of 2016 changed my perspective and gave me the initiative I needed, and now I wish I would have started doing this exercise years earlier than I did.

For the past two years, I have participated in fitness challenges at https://www.jennyhadfield.com/.   It provided me with motivation, camaraderie, and expert advice for very little money, and I highly recommend it.  In the particularly dangerous weeks between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I would receive email with weekly challenges, and the last one in December contained these words.  “Visualization is one of the most powerful exercises you can do for your mind. Professional athletes use visualization to perform at their peak, and when they do, research shows that the their brain activates in a very similar fashion, just like when they train or race.

According to peak performance expert, Jack Canfield, “your brain will work tirelessly to achieve the statements you give your subconscious mind. And when those statements are the affirmations and images of your goals, you are destined to achieve them! Because your mind responds strongly to visual stimulation-by representing your goals with pictures and images – you will actually strengthen and stimulate your emotions…and your emotions are the vibrational energy that activates the Law of Attraction. The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” certainly holds true here.

Creating a vision board is one of the most valuable visualization tools available to you. This powerful tool serves as your image of the future – a tangible representation of where you are going. It represents your dreams, your goals, and your ideal life.”

How to Create your 2017 Vision Board

  • Keep it simple and include things you want to achieve, as well as how you want to feel. You can start very simply by writing down words on a blank piece of paper or on your phone.
  • When inspiration strikes, create your board with your words, notes, and things you want to happen in 2017.
  • It doesn’t have to be fancy. You can cut pictures from a magazine, color, use photos, stickers, or images off the web – or simply make it a word-based vision board.

Your board doesn’t need to be constructed this week. Start the process by writing down how you want to feel (calm, present, successful, fit, healthy) and include your goals, and let your visions come to you. Then look for images and ways to express these visually. For years my vision board was just words or numbers on a gigantic white board in my office. It can be as simple or as fancy as it makes sense for you.”

These instructions gave me the direction and confidence to undertake the task.  While I was on my one-woman, one-afternoon retreat at the end of 2016, I used stickers, markers, and pictures to make the following board:

by h

Just before I went on my one-woman, one-afternoon retreat a couple of weeks ago, I looked over 2017’s vision board and cheered as I realized that I had accomplished each goal I had written on the board.   This fact motivated me to create one for this year.  This is what I came up with:

I have heard that if you fail to plan, then you plan to fail.  Planning to make a vision board can make 2018 so much more productive!  It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t have to follow a particular format.  Please comment if you have any questions or if you would like to share a picture of your vision board.

 

New Year, New Word

January 8, 2018 / / 0 Comments

The new year always brings a flurry of thoughts about how this year will be different from all the ones in the past.    It causes us to analyze how we can be more effective and make resolutions to change habits as a result.    I struggled to harness these strong feelings of resolve and to fine tune them, and I have found success in doing this for the past five years.

My secret?  Choose a word!  Just one word.   A word that you want to aspire to learn more about and one that you will come to resemble more and more as the year goes by.

I read a great book on the topic, One Perfect Word, by Debbie Macomber, at the end of 2013, and I was inspired.    On January 1, 2014, I dared to write down my word for the year and pray it each day for myself.  The word terrified me; my word for the year 2014 was Surrender.  I wanted to surrender my plans, hopes, dreams, and agenda to God, who had an even better plan for my life.  I had no idea how strongly this word would play out until I found myself in ICU not able to breathe on my own in June of that year.

By the end of 2014, I had not only gained my strength back but had also learned far more about surrender than I ever imagined possible.  I was hooked on choosing a word, now not only for myself but for each member of my immediate family.  My word for the year 2015 was Rejoicing.   I wanted to learn to rejoice not only when circumstances were going my way but also in the deepest disappointments.  It was a worthwhile journey.  The words I chose for my family were endurance, maturity, and trust.

When 2016 rolled around, I couldn’t wait to do this exercise again.  My word for the year 2016 was Renewal, as I looked at my new life with children moving away and going on the international mission field.  My words for my husband and children were balance, faith, and courage, as they all were learning huge lessons of their own.

By December of 2016, I even took myself on a one-woman, one-afternoon retreat to evaluate my life, set priorities, and, most importantly, determine my word.  My word for the year 2017 was Freedom as I sought to be released my own self-doubt, others’ expectations and opinions of me, and the limits I had placed on myself due to fear.  I experienced my best year yet, achieving more than ever and daring to do activities I never expected that I would.  My words for my family were fortitude, security, and maturity.

This year is no different.  I have chosen my word.  It’s another scary one because I know that there are many lessons I need to learn about this subject.  My word for this year is Humility.    True freedom only comes when I choose to humble myself before God and trust Him completely for my future.   The words I have selected for those closest to me are direction, leadership, and abiding.

I have found a great website that has also helped me in this journey:  www.oneword365.com.  It’s a wonderful community of people who have also chosen one word for the year so we can support one another as we live out our word for the year.

What will be your word for the year?

Stay tuned to my blog for posts about one-woman retreats and vision boards!

Back to School

August 17, 2017 / / 0 Comments

 

I loved it from the moment I laid eyes on each building, path, bridge, garden, and pathway 30 years ago this summer.    I was a 19-year-old transfer student, eager to embrace a new life at California State University, Chico, located three hours away from home.  My mother did not share my enthusiasm as she peered into my first dorm room, muttering, “It looks like a prison.”   Within a few days of moving in, I noticed a handsome dark-haired resident as I sorted mail at the front desk.  Less than three years later, I married him. During my college years, I determined my values and morals, stretched myself as an adult, developed friendships that are still influential in my life, made some of my favorite memories in my life, and received a fabulous education.

My husband and I were lucky enough to settle in the same city where we attended university and raised our children only a couple miles away from the rose garden where we first kissed.  We took our children to see performances at the auditorium on campus.  We strolled through the campus with them from an early age.  When it came time for them to determine where to attend college, their choice of majors and preferences in size and extracurricular activities also led them both to choose Chico State for their undergraduate degrees as well.   They attended lectures in the buildings where we once studied.  They met their closest companions.  They thrived in their chosen career paths.  While they attended, I became a member of the Parent Advisory Council, volunteering at many events.  I beamed with pride on their graduation day in 2014, watching them cross the same stage their father and I had crossed to receive our degrees in 1990 and 1991.

I continued my involvement in the Parent Advisory Council after they graduated.   Today it was my privilege to assist parents today as they moved their children in to the residence halls.  I answered questions, consoled, gave advice, directed them to the right places, gave them swag, and sometimes handed them Kleenex as their emotions came bubbling to the surface.  It was so fun to relive memories as I walked around the campus I love so much.

I have learned  great practical tips that I observed from my experience as student, parent, community member, and volunteer, some by dismal failures I have made and some by observing others.  Here’s some of my favorite:

  1. Try to get all your shopping done at Target or Walmart before you arrive.   These stores are a madhouse during move-in weeks.
  2. Assemble a small toolkit for your child with a hammer, pliers, a screwdriver, duct tape, and hanging hooks.
  3. Prepare to expand your flexibility and patience.  If you start to lose your cool, your child’s final thoughts of you before you leave won’t be positive ones.
  4. Make sure you pack lots of snacks.
  5. Don’t overstay your welcome.   Show your support, get them moved in, take them out for something to eat, then say your goodbyes.
  6. Rest in a job well done.  We raise them to leave the nest and soar!

 

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