Tomorrow I am going to drive myself down to Winters to the childhood home of my daughter’s fiance, Joe, to spend the day with Joe’s mom for her birthday. We plan to go out to lunch and try on dresses for our children’s wedding coming up in July. After we finish our fun day together, I will drop her off then drive over to my daughter’s house to spend the night with her. All of it sounds very wonderful, and I’m really looking forward to it.
Then what could be the problem?
Although my outward appearance proves otherwise, inside I barely feel old enough to be married, let alone old enough to have a daughter getting married. I’m not one of those women who normally does the whole “lunch and shopping” kind of day, yet I know that this will bring Joe’s mom and I closer together and help us get ready for this wedding. I am still surprised I am considered grown up enough to be out on my own, yet my 23-year old daughter is living in a different town, successfully navigating her way through her first year of teaching. I still feel so young and uncertain inside, much like a young teenager.
But in a few short months, I will be celebrating my 50th birthday! The wrinkles congregating in the corners of my eyes and my cracking knees testify to this fact.
I’m wondering when I will ever feel fully grown up in my heart of hearts. When will I have the confidence to believe that I am really an adult?
I can relate even at my advanced age. If anything goes wrong I look around for an adult then realize that’s me. Some of my children are older than you and I still feel the need to mother them. My youngest who is 41 teases me because I will still
reach for her hand while crossing the street. I think though that when you become a mother of an adult daughter you have a friendship like you never had before.
I think many people will relate to this. I remember a conversation with Grandma a Jay. In her nineties at the time, she said she couldn’t believe she was that old. When I asked her how old she felt, she said 35!
Grandma Jay was an amazing woman and a young soul. I still think of her often! How old do you feel inside, Becky? You have a birthday coming in a few days!
Julie I am totally here with you! When I sit in discussion groups with young women, who could be my daughters, I feel like their peer. But when it’s time to go and they say things like, ” thanks for sharing your wisdom with us….what do you think….what should I do?” I get the feeling they don’t see me, like I see me…just another child seeking our Father, struggling with letting go, and trusting….there is no denying we are generations apart…but hopefully we will wear adulthood well, with grace, remembering always to …come as a little child.
Janice, it’s so nice to know that we are in the same boat. I always thought that I’d have it all together by now, but that’s just not the case. No matter how old the mirror tells us we are, let’s approach His throne together for the rest of our days!
I have a hard time thinking of you with a daughter in her 20s. To me, time stood still in your Fremont home getting ready for YOUR wedding!
I still remember you doing my hair and makeup for the wedding, and I was a full year younger than my baby girl is now! Thank you for being a part of so many great memories of my late teens and early 20s.